Pisang Goreng

2007-09-08T19:26:00.001+08:00

I think I'm leaving for multiply. Hmm...

2007-09-03T22:46:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's been long since I blogged. Too many things are happening all at once. Lets start with today. Had a seminar going on at Tampines JC, and they're not really all that chummy but it's okay... I had loads of things going on in my head about the Malay culture but I couldn't express myself well enough so I decided to just shut up and stuff the popiah into my mouth...

One day during maths lecture...

I walk into the lecture theatre, more commonly known as the LT. It's freezing cold, probably about 21 degrees. Normal temperature for some, but it's like ice age for me. It's raining outside, and I desperately need to pee. So I raise my hand up and ask whether I could be...

"No, you're not excused from leaving the LT, even though you have to urgently pee.", says the teacher who gets angry easily.

So I walk back to my seat and vow to pee before entering the LT.

Three days after this incident, only Shafina knew how angry I was.

Well I guess this world will never be a fair place as long as the roses have thorns.

2007-08-19T20:49:00.001+08:00

I used to be more important than all the Manchester United matches combined.

2007-08-19T19:05:00.000+08:00

Okay it's been long since I have written anything but today I felt this urge to blog because I was friendster-hopping (if there's such a thing) and I saw something so absurdly hilarious that I want to roll over on the floor and laugh till my sides split. If I could roll my eyes, I would have done it extensively. I think sometimes (okay no, all the time) people tell lies just to get into the good books of others. Either that or they're just too deluded by this bond they call...drumroll please... Friendship.

The pigs have gone crazy, they've started to fly. The cows have gotten sick, they've grown green spots. The frogs have lost their voices, they're learning sign language to communicate. All because of you.

For those who are close enough to me will know what I'm talking abt (yeah babies, snigger!). For those who aren't, either you get it, or you don't.

Okay boys and girls... This is a photo of Paris. Pandai pandai lah kau tafsirkan apa makna gambar ini. L.O.Lzzzzzzzah.

2007-08-02T22:57:00.000+08:00

Just when you thought you had it all, everything falls apart. Another dream wasted on you. Everything seems unsure. Nothing is forever. Nothing lasts forever. Everything is temporary. People come, people go, as and when they like. What about the ones who have been left? Left behind for being too slow, left behind for not conforming, left behind for reasons I can't fathom. Fate, destiny, life and death. Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes I just can't find them. The reasons why these things happen. And why in the end I'm always the one getting hurt.

I was looking at photos of my cats... And I realise just how much I miss the both of them. I still remember... I went home early everyday even though I had crazy things to do in school just to see their faces back at home. Now I know why people have children. I never cared if I didn't have anybody to love me back then...

I love getting "my hopes smashed". Macam fetish gitu. Macam gian. Everyday I will put high hopes on something and I can bet a thousand bucks that it'd get "smashed" on the very day. Macam gini I can be a millionaire by... Uhm... *counts fingers* Soon enough.

Sometimes when I get so tired of crying, I'd just lie down and laugh...

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

Why do I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed... profound
Till the chips were down
...know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I’m rather blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Amy Winehouse is love... All her songs macam pose very sexual implications and this is one of her few songs that hasn't got any swear words or lines like "got your dick wet..." Haha! She's so woozy all the time. Drunk 24/7... Need to find Frank but that was released in 2003... They prolly won't have it now... So now I've just gotta find Sean Ghazi and Cafe Del Mar.

School's such a drag. Mr Chua finds every opportunity to catch me doing something wrong. Skirt too short. No going to toilet during lectures. No earrings. Pfft.

Life's a mess. And I can't seem to find the time to clean it up.

2007-08-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

There is no greater love...

Well, sometimes I feel that this is not right. This is not happening. Not to me. Not again. Maybe it is not happening. Maybe it's just me and my imagination. Running wild again.

I swear that you don't have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you
To late, I'm sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across the key
Or break down the door to your heart
[Three Cheers For Five Years Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com]
Forever could see us not you and me
And you'd help me out of the dark
And I'd give my heart as an offering

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me
And I will always remember now
Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side
How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to
But I can't forgive you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you
I know you want me to want you I want to

It's like history repeating itself once again. People come, people go. Hate it when that happens... Pfft.

2007-07-22T21:45:00.000+08:00

PPP was a great journey that I want to go on again...

Pictures are at the side, girls!

2007-07-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

Saturday, 14th July 2007

Talentime. I was nervous but I tried not to be. I knew the remedy. I needed to find solace. And I knew just the place to go. The field.

Solace. A source of comfort. You are my solace.

But you locked me out of your heart (and out of your MSN too, not to forget)

So where is my solace? Where are you now?

You're never there.

2007-07-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

Jumpy jumpy... We get annoyed by the littlest things in life... In your life, it's me, and in mine, it's you.

Last night I was sent to NUH cos my temperature was at 40 degrees... I thought it was gonna be fun (puiy!)... The first hour passed really slowly... I got so bored, I even tried to talk to an imaginary person until it freaked me out... Then the nurse came and said "You need to be put on a drip" and I knew hell was coming for me... I hate needles! And my tolerance level for pain is really really low so when the nurse came in with the needle I almost swore out loud... And I did, the minute she poked me... Pfft.

I admit defeat...

2007-07-05T19:55:00.001+08:00

THIS IS SUCH A FUNNY GAME SHOW! Japanese people are so God-damned creative... They have a billion and one game shows that are similar to that one up there and the best thing is that they're all funny in a nonsensical, senseless way...Not like the game shows we have here in Singapore *cough*deal or no deal*cough*... Pfft...

2007-07-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

The smell of your skin still lingers on me...

I think I'm sick... I don't wanna go back to school! Holidays were too long and I must say I really enjoyed doing nothing... It beats going to school. School's like prison... Life is dry and dull and boring and it'll drive me crazy sooner or later...

I can't think, live, breathe or eat like this... He's driving me nuts.

Your attention's never mine

2007-07-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

Bulan Madu was great despite some glitches upstairs... And oh look,

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional.
You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it.
You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out.

Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable.
Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there.
You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

Hahaha what kinda shit is this?! Some weird test I decided to do out of boredom... Anw, back to Bulan Madu... Abang Leman was late! I was jittery cos I thought we'd be late... But he drove at 140 on a busy highway and I admit, I was impressed! Putting his pilot skills to good use... So anyway, we came, we sat, we watched, we laughed, I cried... Then intermission was major bitching session! Lol... But anyway, the other show, Kampung Wa' Hassan was a bit hard to appreciate... I couldn't tell what Gene Sha Rudyn was doing when he was singing the Hari Raya songs... Turn out he was the last rooster in the kampong... And I couldn't get the kemenyan part... But overall, we had fun during the whole show... And I never knew contractors could get so hot.

Anyway shmanyways... I had so much fun wtih Kak Tina and Abang Leman... Should call them lovebirds now... After the show we had dinner at Royal Plaza on Scotts' Carousel... Free flow all you can eat buffet... Aku tunggu ape lagi? Aku sebat lah... After dinner went to take cable car at Mount Faber! But the cable car was closed. Shit. So we ended up in The Hill, drinking iced water and appreciating the night... The scenery was gorgeous!

Once I've my driving lisence, I will visit this place every weekend... I swear!

Talking about appreciating, I don't think I'm a person who can express her thoughts well... I mean well but it comes out wrong... Pfft...

I miss the Backstreet Boys...

I love it when you call, but you never call at all (Well, almost never call)

2007-06-29T20:51:00.000+08:00

Eh apek, lu angkat tu luggage banyak banyak boleh jatuh lu mati lo...

Mustaffa centre is a crazy place! I hate the stupid stupid security guard though... I think it's damn ridiculous that you must have your bags strapped... Come to think of it, if you try to steal something, isn't there the sensor thingy at the entrance that will trigger the alarm if you smuggle something out? Pfft... But anyway, we had fun finding mirrors and bunga telor (which obviously doesn't exist at Mustaffa but what the heck, we just needed a reason to go shopping) and we ended up in the party section goofing around with the party stuff!

Goofers!

PPP meeting was wack, not like yesterday... But I hope full run tomorrow will be hell productive... Seram! Company preview on Wednesday... We get to skip school, on a lighter note...

I saw Bubble today (and shit, I forgot his blog URL) but I don't recall being as excited as I was seeing him before the holidays... I guess he just doesn't appeal to me as much anymore... I still think he's gorgeous and if I hear anything about him being a fat ugly blob, I'll kill... But then again, it may be because of the person standing beside him... Killjoy... Pfft... (Lol!)

I cannot wait for Girls' Day In again! Syiokadoodoo!

Liyana: (Slaps Zhafri twice)
Zhafri: (Jeda for 10 seconds) OW, OW!

2007-06-29T00:07:00.000+08:00

Blogging: Good or Evil? Help, Ms Chong!

Everyone has a right to their own opinions... And I personally think that a blog acts as a medium to express one's feelings... Sort of like a journal.. I think most blogs that I've seen and read have this disclaimer thingy at the side of the template that goes something like...

'If you need any help, press the help button which is located somewhere in your computer. And should you see something that is really unpleasant to your delicate eyes, please do not hesitate to move your cursor to the X button on the top right hand corner of your screen (yes, the red one) and click on it to get the fuck out of here. Should there be any queries, please do not hesitate to contact Liyana'

Ya, in this case, this one's my disclaimer thingamagic... It's right there... Unless you can't see... But I really dunno what that thing is for... Does it have a purpose? I think I just put it up for fun... Damn... Jan! Your stupidity is rubbing onto me! Haha, bimbos!

Hmm... I really think I should pay attention in GP class... I mean, we were discussing blogs, damn it! And I was eating! Eating of all things! Eating in the damn LT like it was my dad's! And I missed a lesson on blogging! I need to know these stuff... I need to know!!!!!!! I can't sleep... I can't sleep...

Mwahaha! Merepek to the max! Anyway, PPP rehearsal was one of the best we ever had! Warm up was LOVE... I've never played Ice and Water in the hall full of tables and chairs... So anyway, full run was productive, the lights and sounds are already done by Ika, props are taken care of by our beloved Dinah, and the set is handled by again, Dinah my love and Shazwan budak meetos... Actors are getting into their characters (esp Mom and Dad), scriptwriters are a happy bunch, SMs are in fantastic shape (haha!) and our dear director has never been better! Whoopdeedoo! It was such a peaceful affair... We had fun and we got things done... Wow... And we even had time to shop! Ikea is the best place ever... If I get my own house, all my stuff are gonna be from Ikea... Rocking place! Used the budget money for the first time... So seram... Hurhur...

Tomorrow's gonna be PPP rehearsal again! I hope it'll be like today... And maybe we'll even get to leave early tmr to get stuff from Mustaffa! But pfft... I sure wish we could drive...

Next year, here we come!

Lepas driving license (is that how you spell it?!?!) aku nak kumpul duit pergi Brisbane... Lepas tu aku nak kumpul duit lagi ajak members members pergi Bali... Lepas tu kita gi backpacking around the world... Lepas tu aku mati tak makan pasal dah pokkai... Hahaha!

Nanti dah besar aku nak kahwin dengan Dato'..........
Sial lah!

2007-06-27T22:02:00.000+08:00

Aku stress pasal si Setan.

But I miss si Setan...

2007-06-26T13:07:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line
Don't get involved with anything you're not totally sure of -- it's not worth it.

In Detail
Listen to the more conservative side of your nature today, and don't get involved with anything you're not totally sure of. Avoid making any major transactions, whether your money or your heart is concerned. Things that look bright and cheerful right now could be hiding some dark, scary secrets. (So him!) And something or someone that appears to be a 'sure thing' is most definitely not. (Fuck! Him again!)Today, you should play it safe -- as they say, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Today's horoscope... Think I should just lay low... And wait........

2007-06-26T12:28:00.000+08:00

I read things that I'm supposed to read and I say, thanks for making me feel better about myself... Oh yeah, and I never knew I was a star... *giggles*

I will listen to my horoscope today... I'll lay low and not pick fights with... what do you call yourself? Oh yeah... Small fry...

I need to get a new outfit! (You know, after a meal, I don't feel so crapped out anymore...)

So many words unsaid... I think one day the black box will explode from all the feelings that we bottle up inside... Maybe we should have one of those trashing sessions again... This time at night when we're all drunk and feeling murderous...

Maybe it's true that the Malay society cannot exist without Ph.D (it's Perasaan hasrat Dengki)... There's always something wrong with one another, there's always a bomoh behind every person's success, there's always susuk when they see a pretty girl... haha!

I'm feeling woozy shmoozy...

'Hell hath no fury like a shopaholic deprived of retail therapy'
Good one, AXN...

2007-06-26T11:36:00.000+08:00

Love a man from hell

It's confusing when someone is nice to you one moment and then makes you feel like shit the next

I feel crappy. I need to kill someone. I'm hungry. I'm grumpy. Not even Amy Winehouse can make me feel better.

I haven't been studying. People in PPP are killing me slowly...People are screwing each other up a lot too. I've been wagging my feet a lot and that only happens when I'm nervous or when something is gonna go wrong...

I can't sleep at night and I cry at the littlest things nowadays... I think it's the time of the month, fuck it...

I should just let go... I'm just for play anyway, and we all know that... Fuck all that shit. I'm gonna go shopping.

2007-06-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

Will you still love me tomorrow?

My body clock is so wack! I always go to sleep after midnight nowadays. I lie awake staring at the ceiling and I spend my midnights looking at my phone, listening to the sultry sounds of Amy Winehouse. Waiting for a miracle to happen like it did midnights before.

Ah well... Fuck it lah... I've had a bad week... But luckily for me, there's such a thing called retail therapy and there's such a person called best shopping girlfriend... She's getting married soon and everyone's telling me that she won't be able to spend time with me to go shopping, laugh (bitch, more like it) at people, go racing in her Suzuki Swift while screaming to Paris and go to beaches to eat BBQ wings and talk about everything under the starry skies... But I don't care... I'm happy that she's happy and I know we'll still find time to go shopping and be each other's fashion (and relationship) shrinks... Now Cik Kakak-kakak is telling me that I can't be such a brat anymore because there's gonna be a baby in the house soon and I won't get much attention from Mama and Abah anymore. Seriously, does she think I'm still a fucking kid? She seems to think so and even my brother is morphing into one of those pishy pashy people... I don't give a damn if people don't pay attention to me, I'm a young adult and I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Just cos I'm the youngest in the family doesn't mean I seek attention... Money would do just fine, actually...

Now that I have left Crescent, they've decided to open Starbucks at Tanglin Mall for all the China scholars to go there and sip hot latte while cramming their brains for the upcoming surprise test... Fuck sia! When I was in that school we had to travel to Bukit Timah, further down Orchard and everywhere else just to get a cup of Chocolate Cream Chip. And at Redhill MRT, there are about a million new food stalls that sell everything from donuts to bubble tea... Fantastic, eh?

Pagi tadi, mata aku bengkak. Badan aku sakit. Kepala aku macam nak pecah. Otak aku kering. But I still went to school. And when I reached school, some people (ok, maybe one person) decided to show everyone what kick ass attitude they have... And that attitude comes with a capital A, mind you... If you don't like the way things go during meetings and if you give vague, pissed off responses that do not help like "Aku sembarang. Aku tolong tulis je." you might as well not wake up this morning because all you did was piss the pants off the people around you. Me, especially. Or me, only. Whatever. In that case, piss the skirt off me.

Now I will need a six inch Cold Cut Trio with chesse, no tomatoes and capsicums, on a Hearty Italian...And maybe a cup of Chocolate Cream Chip would do the trick...Top it off with some Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream on a sugar cone...

That will cost me $15.45... All for a great meal... I'm hungry! At 1206am?! I told you I'm getting more wack day by day... Dan ini semua angkara kau, Kassim Selamat!

"Annie! Angkat kain hujaaaaan! Jemuran dah turuuuun!"

2007-06-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

Rehab, anybody?

Exams are over! And that just means PPP is nearing...

2007-06-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

HI FUCKERS.

I AM REALLY IN A FUCKING FOUL MOOD AND I NEED TO KILL SOMEBODY. In the morning, I didn't wake up to the usuals, so I thought something was wrong and something IS wrong, MAJORLY wrong but I just don't know what it is... Never mind about that, now she's picking on me again... Sigh... Come to think of it, I'm not really in a foul mood anymore, cos I'm so used to her doing this to me and I don't think I can escape her, ever... I bet she'll be my colleague or Uni mate or something in the future... I'm glad I don't have another brother cos if I did, she'd be my sister in law... I just know it, I can feel it... I know I'll meet her again in life... I hope I'll be more prepared by then to attack her... Maybe learn karate, silat or something...It'd be nice to be her boss, though... Then I can pick on her and then give her bad recommendations so she's stuck with my company forever... Make her do lots of chores and work and never promote her... Foul... Really foul... But so is she... An eye for an eye... She should marry Fucktard! They're meant for each other...

Will update about Girls' Day In next time... I'm just feeling so bothered right now... And there's nobody to make my day...

Ah, fuck it!

2007-06-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

GP paper was pretty okay... Thought it was gonna be really tough and all, but in the morning I was talking marriage-shmarriage crap and there was a question on it! So I used Mr Wiseman's words to help me out during the paper... Yay! I hope I can do as well as the test... My first GP test and I got an A! Might be a lil too confident about it, but after today's paper I felt goooood... Going back to school today wasn't so bad actually... I thought I was going to be kicking and screaming like some motherfucking bitch... But I got through the journey there, it actually felt as though I was going back during the holidays for a mock test... So anyway, everyone was mugging like crazy and I was the odd one out, holding a phone in my hand like GP didn't matter shit to me... Papers were today's top choices, everyone was reading it like hotcakes! After GP paper I decided to sit in JJ's rehearsal and guess who I saw in the train?! There was this totally kick ass MI boy who looked so fetch (haha!) It's been quite some time since I've seen a cute boy, Bubble not included cos he is not cute anymore, but I think what's his name is so totally fetch! But what the heck... I have to concentrate on studies now... *pukes* Okay... so I went to TAPAC and saw JJ, nothing WOW about them actually... Went dinner at Subway, it's been long since I had my foot-long Italian Cold Cut Trio and boy, it was heaven! I miss eating at Subway, cos everyone around me the first few months this year were Halal-conscious people... Not that I am not, but I'm not so picky and everything........

Haha! Pardon my last comment, I'm being such a prat...

I told Norrin Radd (haha!) when we were going back home that I had Arab blood from my dad's side... Kak Lyn's family (especially Kak Lyn!) has got all the good genes, white skin, nice eyes, golden and curly hair and all... And all of them, actually... They all had good genes... But I think Pak Long's family got it bad, lol... Kak Lyn's in America with her Ang-moh husband, what a surprise! Had a good conversation all the way from Tanjong Pagar to JE and through the taxi ride home... Thanks!

I have been getting stomach aches these few days, I think it was food poisoning... But nowadays when I shit (ok, ok! Pass motion, or excrete, if you wanna call it!) they go all the way back into the hole and when I look down I see nothing! I have been sweating in the stuffy toilet just to get it out and when I look down, there wasn't anything... It's like, putting in a lot of effort into something that you do, but you don't see the end result and it gets really frustrating... Applies to everyday life, actually... It's like studying for midyears but you get crappy results... Pfft...

I saw this photo of donuts on Adilah's msn and it reminded me of Krispy Kreme's glazed donuts and how I miss them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those things are the smartest, most genius food ever invented... I hope the next time Abang Leman flies to the US, he'll get me twenty boxes of those... Silversurfer lah! Go KL buy Dunkin' Donuts never give me some... Pfft... Still can brag about Central Market...

Phew... I hope midyears will end soon... Then I can party with Tina and Abang Leman... Go watch Bulan Madu with them and then grab an ice cream at Ben and Jerry's! (I hope!) I'm gonna miss Kak Tina once she gets married... Sunday was such a fantastic day... Watched Shrek and then we went shopping! Got matching Ipanemas(: She told me she spent the most when she goes out with me, cos we're such shopaholics! Adidas had some Stella McCartney sale going on and I wanted to buy the Mexican bag ($189) but it was sooooo ex and it was the last piece so... Ugh... And the boots! Gorgeous... $351... But all in all, we had a great day and a great shopping spree...

Talking to Rucha always makes my day... I wish she was back here in Singapore, but with MSN it feels like she's in Bishan and we're just too busy to make a date and go shopping! But next year, India, here I come!! Then I'll save up to go Bali (Maybe abang Leman can get free tickets cos he's a pilot, after all...) and then we shall all go Australia for good! Bye-bye Singapore!!

2007-06-14T22:55:00.000+08:00

She is the most adorable sweet lil thang I've ever seen! She's got such a cute face and she's even got a matching cute voice to go with her cute self! Adorableeeee!!!!!! Ish, geramnye aku! Anak siape ni?! Macam aku nak picit-picit pipi dia! And damn... Everytime I eat nougats I wonder why they disappear so quickly...

2007-06-14T22:43:00.000+08:00

Isn't she adorable?!

2007-06-13T17:14:00.000+08:00

Angsty siol...

I hate going back to school... Today while I was walking to school, I felt my legs getting heavier and heavier with each step I take. I really dread the dry environment, the lack of reception and the lack of after school activities. At least there's PPP now... When it's over, there's gonna be no more racking of the brain for the script, no more screaming and laughing during rehearsals, no more TAPAC, no more "eh sial lah, SM buat ape ah" with Illie, no more "Ton't you tare tach her!" and no more "Alamak actors... kaku siol..." Ahhh!!!!! I'm going to go crazy with nothing to do... So after PPP I think I'm going to spend a million bucks on shopping cos it's gonna be my only past time. Pfft. So anyway, school sucks... I told mom I wanted to go to Poly but she won't hear any of it... She told me if I hated college, I'm not going anywhere but to Indonesia to learn to be a better servant of God. Wow.. I have such an understanding mother...School was okay... Maths lesson was funny cos I was stoning towards the end of the lesson while he was explaining functions, the topic that I'm clueless about... F-U-N-N-Y...................... Funny. Ahh... see? I'm blabbing. And when the Fag walked past, Farid looked at me and said "Aku nampak dia dengan satu perempuan ni tau..." Like I give a heck!?!?! Alamak... siol lah, aku nak pergi tengok tu Bulan Madu tapi semorang tak free siol... Aku punya cousin dah ade boyfriend baru, dah tak de orang nak drive aku lagi... Aku seriously nak tengok ah, confirm best rabak... Aku nak beli baju baru mesti ada reason lah beb... Kalau tak... waste money siol... Tangan aku dah gatal nak beli baju Topshop ngan tu vest kat Ripcurl ah... Camne ni... Ni tak boleh jadi ni... Aku mesti paksa tu minah gi tengok tu Bulan Madu ah... HAHAHAHAHAH mother of all God... I'm sucha failure at typing malay... But I really wanna watch Bulan Madu! Damn damn damn damn damn! And I need to plan from today onwards. I need to plan when to train for the marathon (next year) hahahahahaha... I guess I have to relinquish my dreams of being a couch potato this year... I've said it and I'll say it again! I REFUSE TO GROW FAT-ter! Mwahahaha.... But really... I have to stick to my new vow... I looked at myself in the mirror today in PJ uniform and I look really fat in it... Big, more like it... Obese... Giganto...I look horrible in my jeans too... I think the seams have already split... SPRWLAT! Like that... And tmr got chem test ah, fuckadoodahday... Tmr will be a new day... Tmr I will wake up. I will!!!!!!!! I will start to mug for the last few days before school reopens! Except for Friday lah, and maybe Saturday but Sunday I am definitely not free... OMG! So I'm left with... only tmr!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha giler lah siol... Mampos aku macam ni...

Mama, I love you
Mama, I care...

I love butterflies. Don't you?
When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

Jamal suggested I run the marathon. I think I should go shopping now.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

2007-06-11T23:37:00.001+08:00

Okay this is so fucking screwed... Script is so fucked up. Met Anum and Illie so early in the morning at the library... My first time actually. Never had to que to get into the damn library. And I tell you Singaporeans are bloody kiasus... Ten minutes after the library opens its doors, all the seats are already taken cos everyone rushes madly to chope seats. And I'm like still on the escalator, rubbing my eyes and yawning... So we ended up doing a lil bit of the script and started to digress by playing Barbie on My Scene. Oh well... Today's rehearsal was totally messed up and I was really kinda pissed but nvm, I'll just hold my fart... At least we completed scene 8 and 9... out of the 10+++ scenes that we have. Wow! What an accomplishment! And we did it in 4 fucking hours! 2 scenes! In 4 hours! And when I reached home to clear my mind of all problems, I look at the fish tank and all the small lil fishies are stuck in the filter. Dead. Like their bodies stuck to the filter cos they swam too close to it. I mean, it happened to your mates, so shouldn't you learn from them not to swim too close to the filter?! So now from 15 lil fishies, it's down to 3. Lets see who shall be the last one standing... This is damn depressing... I told myself that I'd jump (oh yeah... that'll do a hell lot of good for all you anti-liyana-s out there...) if the script doesn't work this time... And great! Zhafri, being the great director he is (not sarcastic, by the way...) wants to jump with me and now at least instead of one pulped up body, there'll be two! Anw... Hope Nazri'll contribute to the damn script... I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the script to be finalised by tmr... And when's chem test again?!

Mom thinks I should study 24/*clap*!

2007-06-10T23:37:00.000+08:00

Cereal Killer

Writing a script is... not what I thought it would be. It's not as easy and simple as writing a few pages, a few scenes and a few lines. It's hellish. It's complicated. Once you lose your train of thoughts, that's it, you're a goner. And there's so much responsibility into writing a script... And I'm not a big fan of responsibility, as all my teachers know... Plus, you can't go astray from your main focus. We have been changing the script for almost 5 times now, and each time we change it, we ask for ideas. Throw them at scriptwriters, thinking that it'd do them a hell lot of good. Better than no ideas, we say. Kepala hhhhotak berjambol! Phew... My brain juices are drained to the last drop. I need ice cream! Or coffee. Chocolate cream chip. That sounds nice... That'd do the trick to undo the tangles in my brain. There's so much to think about... So much to do... So much to think about...

Saturday was the last day to party before I start mugging for Midyears. Script is not done, and even if it is, it may not be approved, AGAIN... So saturday, I put on my cheongsam, stuck a chopstick in my hair and had fun before I turn into a geek till Midyears end... And Psychic was there to entertain me, so that's a plus point... I don't think I can survive this year. It's beginning to scare me. The number of topics is little but there's so much covered in one that I just don't know where to start. This is like drowning with a life jacket on... Pfft

I want to be rich

2007-06-06T20:16:00.001+08:00

Kinda lose your sense of time
Cause the days don't matter no more
All the feelings that you hide
Gonna tear you up inside
You hope she knows you tried
Follows you around all day
And you wake up soaking wet
Cause between this world and eternity
There is a face you hope to see

You know where you've sent her
You should know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
But you can't hear those words
And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
Unforgivable Sinner

You've been walking around in tears
No answers are there to get
You won't ever be the same
Someone cries and you're to blame
Struggling with a fight inside
Sorrow you'll defeat
The picture you see it won't disappear
Not unpleasant dreams or her voice you hear

You know where you've sent her
You should know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
But you can't hear those words
And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
Unforgivable Sinner

Maybe one time lost
But now you're found
Stand right up before
You hit the ground
Maybe one time lost
But now you're found
Stand right up before
You hit the ground - hit the ground

You know where you've sent her
You sure know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
But you can't hear those words
And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
Unforgivable sinner

I really like this song. It reminds me of when a guy beats her girlfriend to death... Now he regrets and tries to make it up to her or at least make himself feel better but she can't hear him so it's like karma getting back at him. Now he's a miserable faggot. Wish these things happen to him. But then again, he won't realise it cos he's got a really thick skull... Haha.. Madonna's laughing...

There's gonna be changes to the new script. Should have seen it coming but I'm not Psychic... Tmr is going to be a long day, I can just feel it coming. So it will be wise to get my cup of coffee first thing in the morning tmr. Yesterday I was coffee-less and I was like a fucking pissed off pig who hasn't seen mud for two weeks. And Irfan is now Japalay, as Malack calls him. She's so smitten with him ever since Mat CD. Thinks he's half Jap, half Malay! Just as Malack is half Malay half black cos she's got a big ass like a black girl. Haha! Lady, I meant. Cos now she's getting married to a freaking pilot with lots of big bucks... And now she can buy all the Gucci bags in the world! Not like she can't afford it, but it's nicer when someone else buys it for her.. Right? Right. Then she can also buy me those pumps... the wallet... the lanyard... the......Hmm... Endless possibilities... And now that I'm left with around two hours to go before bedtime, I will google for Neruda.

Pablo Neruda
I can write the saddest lines tonight.

Write for example: ‘The night is fractured
and they shiver, blue, those stars, in the distance’

The night wind turns in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest lines tonight.
I loved her, sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like these I held her in my arms.
I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could I not have loved her huge, still eyes.

I can write the saddest lines tonight.
To think I don’t have her, to feel I have lost her.

Hear the vast night, vaster without her.
Lines fall on the soul like dew on the grass.

What does it matter that I couldn’t keep her.
The night is fractured and she is not with me.

That is all. Someone sings far off. Far off,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

As though to reach her, my sight looks for her.
My heart looks for her: she is not with me

The same night whitens, in the same branches.
We, from that time, we are not the same.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the breeze to reach her.

Another’s kisses on her, like my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body, infinite eyes.

I don’t love her, that’s certain, but perhaps I love her.
Love is brief: forgetting lasts so long.

Since, on these nights, I held her in my arms,
my soul is not content to have lost her.

Though this is the last pain she will make me suffer,
and these are the last lines I will write for her.

Deep stuff, but I'm not lesbian (cos the poem is talking about a certain She) even though I'm doing a play about gays, muahahahahhahaha

Here's another good one...
I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Fierce love, babes..Okay guys, this is a quote from Neruda:

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

Wow... Fantastic stuff eh? He must have been a great lover to be able to write like that. He must have been through so much pain and given and received so much love to be inspired to write the poems that he wrote. He must have been a big fan of the woman's body to write poems about how he loved them. But the way he wrote it.. It wasn't crude, in fact, it was romantic.. enough to make a woman blush, feeling flattered. His poems, more than enough to move a man with a rock as his heart and melt the coldest of hearts and turn them into fires of passion.

Now I feel like eating seaweed shaker fries from Macs.Either that or cheesecake would do.. and sit at the beach to read love poems...

SHH!

2007-06-05T00:56:00.000+08:00

Aiyah fuck it lah, I can't fucking sleep! It's 1 am and I have to be at the airport by 4 am to send my beloved brother and his wife to Australia and guess what they're gonna get me stuff from Sportsgirl and then go and meet the playwriters and director at 8 in the damn morning to discuss the totally fucked and screwed up piece of shit of a script which I totally do not want to be involved in and then run to TAPAC for the damn rehearsal at 9 which will require lots of energy and will end at at least 1 in the hot blazing afternoon which is a perfect time to sleep God fuck it and after that I will have to discuss the fucking script again then go home and study and how am I supposed to do all that crap if I don't sleep? Now why can't I just fucking close my eyes and sleep?! Wow.. look at that... Look ma, no full stops! So anyway, if they won't let me get my coffee before we rush down to TAPAC I am going to scream my fucking white ass off and that's just too bad because I'm a wicked bitch and I can't help it just like Fitri was raised to become a fucking girl by his totally psychotic parents even though he's got a freaking dick and he just can't help it. And crap, I haven't even started studying for midyears, I mean, what kinda lazy asshole am I? Everyone's studying, if not all the subjects, at least one and I'm still slacking away thinking I have 48 hours a day when I only have 24. I really cannot understand maths, it's screwing up my brain. Physics is.... I don't even know what physics is because I don't even listen in class and I just don't give a fuck, I don't know why. Malay lit is fucking crap, and my ideas of the lit pieces are entirely different from the teacher's so half the time I'm asking her questions that sound really stupid and the other half of the time I just switch off because I just can't figging click with whatever that's thrown to me. Speaking of clicking, I cannot click with some parts of the script but no one in this God damned world is listening to what I'm saying but that's okay because nobody really does, we all hear but we don't listen and I am just so indifferent right now about this whole thing. There's so much to do but there's so little time to work everything out. And during rehearsals everyone was so tense and I just cannot understand why some people just can't bring themselves to swear. They say "fish" as a substitute for fuck and I just don't know why they just can't say the word fuck when all this time they were saying "fish" they were thinking of saying fuck so instead of thinking just say it what's the big deal. Fuck is just Fornication Under the Consent of the King whereby people need to sign up to fuck one another and need to get approval from the King before doing so. So when you're making love, you have this form thingy on your door to inform all that you're fucking someone. How.. discreet. It's like living in the magical world of Harry Potter when instead of saying Lord Voldermort, everyone else goes "He who must not be named", "You know who" or 'The Dark Lord". That's everyone except for Harry the Hero and Dead Dumbledore.

Whoopdeedoo.

2007-06-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

The Chosen One

I sat down and saw that everyone around me was helping out in one way or another during Bro's wedding. And I really felt so useless just sitting down and staring at everyone passing by. I don't know why, but I just felt too lazy to help out. I was clad in tudung and baju kebaya songket and I felt like otah wrapped in banana leaf in the steamer. I feel so bad... I'm the groom's only sister and I didn't even do anything to help! But then again, if I try to, Mama will probably snatch the things out of my hands and tell me to rilek one corner because I'm just too careless and clumsy and will probably drop and break everything. Like I almost did last night. Was preparing the eggs in the decorated glasses. My job was to transfer them from the table to the boxes and I happily put around 20 glasses, eggs and all, on a cardboard box cover. Like those you get in Ikea. And it was heavy but being the bodoh sombong person that I am, I tried to lift it. Managed to accomplish that, and then Yuyun came and offered a hand. So two people were lifting the cardboard. Shuffle, shuffle, one step, two steps, and the cardboard folded into two. Glasses crashed precariously but not one fell to the ground. Lucky bitches. So from that moment on, I was banned from the glasses and everything else. Today, all I did was sing, give the berkats, shake hands with people I don't know, take pictures and have fun with my other lazy cousins. Shites... But I really hate to sweat lor!

And memang, you memang hot. When you tengah main rebana you were smiling so much I wanted to kiss your face. Sayang seribu kali sayang we couldn't talk because we had other responsibilities. But I love playing eye games with you, anyway. If there's anything, call, and stop staring at my butt.

Anak rebana? Or Baby Rebana? Haha...

2007-05-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

Unforgivable Sinner

I really hate holidays. I hate the feeling of not having something to do everyday. Even though I really hate school, I can't help but miss it. Yeah, you got that right. School really sucks and the after school activities are non-existent. We have a gym with no treadmill (yes I do know what a treadmill is). MCS is like... I dunno... Nvm): I'm just so bored with school but guess what, it's even more boring here at home. Yeah yeah, bro's getting married (yay!) I'm so excited for him. I really love my bro. Been at home watching everyone prepare for the wedding day, but I just have nothing to do. I can't help with the hantaran (gifts for the bride) because everyone thinks I'm just way too clumsy, I can't help with the baking of cakes because mom thinks I can NEVER keep my hands dry, I can't help with the ironing because, well... I just can't iron. There's nothing to do and mom keeps pissing off at me. She's all so chummy and nicey nicey with everyone else but she can't be nice to her own flesh and blood. Pfft. Snap snap snap. Clean the house! Switch off the TV! No, switch it back on cos everyone else wants to watch it! Blah. Blah. Blah. And now I can't even switch on the computer cos I'm disturbing everyone else. By doing what, exactly? The light of the monitor is keeping everyone awake, Liyana! Switch that damn thing off!

I think I wanna switch off now till the holidays end. Pfft

And oh yeah baby, I'm so over it

2007-05-24T22:35:00.001+08:00

Sweet fuck, baby you're killing me just by your mere memory

Shock of my life. I really didn't wanna see how she looked like but oh well oh well. I'd give her 8/10 for looks. But there's no way am I probing any further. I realised my mistake and I'm not going to repeat it again. This won't be a case of leukemia girl again. Muahaha. Ill, Jan and I were quite shocked at the amount of stuff accumulated in the object. It's scary, maybe it's a tool for wanking, God knows. Haha! And yes girls, the uneven population, bersepah macam sampah! I don't care anymore, really. I just can't be bothered. Last night I took a look at him and I realised that I didn't lose anything, because there is nothing to lose in the first place. Hehe, and well, I learnt last night that I wasn't the type of girl he wanted to date. See? This proves that looks can be deceiving and that we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Muahahahaha.... I think it's time I start revamping my inner soul. I really need to find peace within myself. Hmm... I think it's time for Yoga, babies!

I think I'm starting to sound like the Devil himself...

2007-05-24T14:38:00.001+08:00

Chalet was AWESOME!

Did loads of stuff, but the fun didn't really start until Atok came. Lol! Started the BBQ going. BBQ-ed the chicken, more chicken, stingray(yum!) and sambal sotong! Seriously yummy food. Time flies damn fast when you're having fun. Fed Baby some chicken but Baby brought along some company. But mommy is biased so mommy only feeds Baby and not his friend. Haha! So anw, after BBQ-ing, we went inside the chalet to watch TV and slack while waiting for Segaff to come. Played Charade when Segaff came and it was butt slappingly-ass kickingly-hilarious. The Charlie's Devils group (Ill, Jan, Ame and I) had to do stuff like The Gay Movie, Mr Bean and what not. The Powerpuff Girls (Ruzaini, Khai and Atok) had to do dumber things and the Devils, being the dumb blondes with black hair, took a damn long time to guess what they were trying to say! So basically we tortured them to utter humiliation. Fun fun fun! Segaff left and we watched Jangan Pandang Belakang (Don't look back) and it was really disappointing. I did not even scream (okay, fine, I lied. I screamed. Once. But that was only because Jannah scared me!) And well. It wasn't THAT scary. Nothing much. Halfway through American Pie (really trashy) we decided to go to the beach and we saw like TONS of transverstites at Changi Village and for the first time, the girls had to protect the boys. The walk to the beach was long and treacherous because we were all so tired and sleepy and groggy and dizzy and.. well, you get the point. But yeah finally after 30 minutes (okay lah I was exaggerating. Not 30. 20, maybe?) of walking, we reached the beach! Played truth or dare, but it was all truth so yeah. Haha, we played doctors for one night and it was fun. Refreshing. Inspiring. Awakening. Inspiring too. Esp when Atok gave his speeches. Enough to make a woman cry. Watched the beautiful sunrise, played skipping stones and took TONS of pictures. On our way back, we were chased by a freaking monkey! Seriously, a monkey. And it was right behind me and Illie cos we were the last of the pack. Illie pushed me to get away from the creature so I panicked and pushed Khai and everyone started to run and scream and panic and OH MY GOSH, Ame and I almost got killed. We were so scared we actually ran into the road and lucky the oncoming vehicle was a slow driving vehicle (a bus, muahaha) and not a freaking Lambo or we'll both be minced meat by now. Pish pash, the things that Panic does to us. Scary hor:/ Slept for a while when we came back to the chalet and then checked out. Ate at Tampines Mall or whatever you call that shopping centre lah k. Slept in the train and TADAH, here I am, reading Pablo Neruda's Love Poems.

And a wise man once said,
"Eh sial lah korang, lain kali jangan tolak-tolak aku lah!"

2007-05-24T14:15:00.000+08:00

Ketawa
Asap
Kepak ayam
Bunyi guitar
Api
Semut-semut api?

Ketawa lagi
Lupa segala duka dan nestapa
Kedengaran bunyi gitar dan suara-suara jantan
memecah kesunyian malam yang pekat

Aku tidak boleh melihat raut wajahmu
Terserlah kelembutanmu di sebalik kejantananmu
Suci, terlalu suci hatimu
Ku rasa kecil disisimu
Hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu
Betapa kagumnya aku kepadamu
Betapa...
Oh, pria...

Malam semakin hilang daranya
mata merah, mulut menguap, perut keroncong
resah, semuanya resah
Keluar, semuanya keluar
entah untuk mencari inspirasi,
mencari ilham,
mencari kebahagiaan
mencari cinta?!
entah

Ketawa lagi
Jantan jadi betina
Bola
Lipas, Anjing, bayang-bayang

Jalan semuanya ke pantai
Jalan macam zombie, ala-ala filem Hollywood
Tujunya ke pantai
Malam masih sunyi, masih pekat
Seram

Semua ingin melihat ciptaan Tuhan yang maha esa
Ingin melihat Suria memecah kepekatan malam
Tujuh bermain T.O.D
Soalan-soalan peribadi ditonjolkan
Keliru
Kesedaran
Kata-kata sindiran (Pedas!)
Nasihat
Kesemua kes dianalisa dengan teliti oleh tujuh doktor pakar
Pakar sakit jiwa.

Gambar-gambar
Lagu-lagu jiwang
Pasir
Perasaan

Akhirnya, Sang Suria!
Muncul juga akhirnya matlamat si Tujuh
di sebalik awan yang merah

Kepulangan disambut gembira oleh teman dari rimba
Si Tujuh lari tidak berarah!
Hingga hampir-hampir bertemu si Ajal
Kaki jadi agar-agar?
Lidah jadi kelu?
Ketawa lagi

Pulang. Pulang. Pulang.

Katil. Tidur. Air. Mandi. TIDUR.

Ada yang terbuka, ada yang tertutup
ada yang bermain muzik
ada yang menjadi penari ballet
Bermacam-macam keletah apabila semuanya tidur

Akhirnya,
Berakhir
Tamat
Perjalanan si tujuh

Mungkin jika takdir mengizinkan
Si tujuh akan kembali mengembara
Mungkin dengan teman-teman yang lain
Jadi hilanglah si tujuh
Jadinya si lapan,
si sembilan,
si sepuluh,
si.,
si..,
si....

2007-05-20T17:35:00.000+08:00

I’m over your lies, and I’m over your games
I’m over you asking me when you know I’m not okay
You call me at night, and I pick up the phone
And though you’ve been telling me, I know you’re not alone

Oh and thats why
Your eyes, I’m over it
Your smile, I’m over it
Realize, I’m over it
I’m over it, I’m over…

Wanting you to be wanting me
No, that ain’t no way to be
How I feel, read my lips
Because I’m so over, I’m so over.. I’m so..
Movin’ on, and it’s my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit
And now I’m so over it
So over it, I’m so over it

Im over your hands and im over your mouth
Trying to drag me down and fill me with self doubt

Oh and thats why
Your eyes, I’m over it
so sure, I’m over it
Am I your girl, I’m over it
I’m over it, I’m over…

Wanting you to be wanting me
No, that ain’t no way to be
How I feel, read my lips
Because I’m so over it
Movin’ on, and it’s my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first a little bit
And now I’m so over it
So over it, I’m so over it

Katherine McPhee's Over It

RJC'S Pementasan was okay... The dancing turned me off. But the acting was superb! Great work. Anw, he was there and I was so attracted to him. I guess it's because it's the first time I've seen him outside school uniform. And he looked so hot in that shirt. I feel bad though. I don't wanna hurt her, though she tells me that she's over him and that I should just go for it if he ever asks me. Girl, I don't do bitchy on my good friends. Shit): Now I can't look at him the same way again.

It's been a great week. Now I'm going to start saving for a month and a half to get my Gucci pumps(: So I'll get to lose weight and also get my pretty pumps. Weehee!

What is the meaning of that G word you use? Maybe you could teach me, but you're too busy smoking. Haha!

2007-05-19T10:53:00.000+08:00

Ohh Jams(:

Great week!

"How are you?"
"Fine thank you, sir"
"I hate that word! Singapore is already so full of fines! Next time, if somebody asks you how you are say, GREAT! FINE! FANTASTIC!"
"Err... okay sir.."
"So how are you today, boy?"
"GREAT! FANTASTIC!"

Okay, it's been a great week! Lets recap what happened on Wednesday onwards(: Went to Sakura! Cikgu treated the dancers to eat cos we got silver! There was sooooo much food, I was so confused! So many choices, so many possibilities, so many unexplored boundaries! Haha, whatever. But anyway, yeah there were loads of food everywhere, even in unseen corners. That was where the fried food were. Hahaha, that explains the weird location. So anyway, we ate and ate and ate all sorts of food. Rice, fish, fried calamari, tempura prawns, shark's fin soup. Then we saw many people eating cakes, sashimi and sushi! And then we all realised that there was a second floor! Ape lagi, Ikhsan, Illie and me rushed to the second floor (wah macam tak pernah makan gitu eh?) and took 2 plates each and filled it with cakes (Oreo, Tiramisu, mango cheesecake). Ikhsan and I took like heaps of sushi and lots of sashimi! Tuna, Salmon, Calamari, wow the choices were endless! So we went down and ate and ate and ate and took thousands of photos. After eating, we left Sakura. Apparently that place is haunted or something:/ So Khai, Syazwan, Farah, Illie, Aisah, Shafi, Ika, Rami and I took 183 back home and told really stupid ghost stories. Hahaha, overall, it was a great day, spent with great friends(:

Thursday was a normal boring schoolday, except for PE! Played soccer!!!!!!!!!!! My first game of the year(: The field was super muddy. My team consisted of Mario, Haris, Kat, Syakira and HuiXiang. I tell you, Hui Xiang is crazy when he plays soccer! Damn good. Van is good too! And Farid is a total giant! Shu Hua and Suhadah are really talented in soccer. Suhadah thought that I was really rough when I tried to tackle her cos I was elbowing her tummy and all, but it wasn't on purpose! Lol. Ended the day with really wet socks and muddy, grassy legs(:

Friday! Last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Went to watch Mentah IV with Tina(: Parked at the Museum and walked ALL the way to substation. Since we got lost, we came 15 minutes late. Lucky Anuar let us in(: So anyway, the first performance, Mat CD, was really funny! Great stuff, we were laughing our asses off. Had 10 min interval. And that was when I saw Jams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my Lord, tell me, how hot can a man get? I thought he wasn't going to be there but he was! Was talking to Tina outside substation and then we both turned when we saw someone in white walking towards us. No lah, not pontianak. So anyway, we turned and saw this guy smoking and he's got the hottest bod (JUST TAKE A LOOK AT HIS CHEST!) and saw that it was JAMS! He saw me and actually acknowledged me. Me! Me! The small fry! Lol. But yeah, after that we were both smiling ear to ear, literally. The second show was okay, it was funny but I didnt get it at all. So yeah.(: Great night! Ended my week with a beautiful finish: Jams!

Hey Baya baya!

2007-05-15T23:53:00.000+08:00

He really likes her

Tell me where have I gone wrong? What have I done? Why do you move on so easy? Was loving you a mistake? Don't you feel the guilt? Don't you feel guilty for leading me on and leaving me just like that? Don't you feel the guilt when you see me? Don't you feel the guilt when you go out with her and knowing that I am helpless and I am unable to forget your face? Or have you fallen for her so deeply that you have lost your conscience, your guilt and your memory of me? Yes you have. Hit your head real hard this time. You're crazy for her.

I am nothing but the Ghost of your past. Nothing. Zilch.

Emo club meeting today was... emo (hence the name!) Sad. Depressing. Awakening. Damn Syazwan and Audi for being such emo people, haha.

2007-05-14T22:22:00.000+08:00

Is it hard or brittle?

Shafi is one horny biatch! Lol(: At LJS we were talking extensively about things that are rock hard (wow Shafi, maybe it was a giant ionic lattice structure!) Lol, I bet it has a high melting point. I think it's facing its highest melting point cos it's in its molten state now. Lol! Only with my special talent and ability will it be rock hard once again. Haha! We were supposed to study chem and we did, but were too busy laughing and being horny! Chem test today was easy, I think I can pass it this time round. Nothing went wrong today (I knew it!) Cos I saw hotstuff first thing in the morning and I just knew nothing would ruin today. Everything went smoothly, even MrChua didn't scold me for not doing maths tutorial. And today I think I'm in the process of letting go cos when Shafi told me to jangan pandang kiri cos she was there, I still turned but I didn't feel angry or jealous or anything. It was normal. Nothing. Like looking at anybody else. This is great! And when I woke up this morning, I didn't say your name the second I woke up like I've been doing the past few weeks. This is fantastic(: It must've been the retail therapy. It's working! After 10 T-shirts, 3 pairs of shoes and lots of food, it finally paid off(:

I love you, God(:

2007-05-13T23:01:00.000+08:00

Minutes to Midnight

Eh eh, Shafi thought I attempted to commit suicide! What!?!?!? Kill myself for a guy?! Lol, that is SO not me. Anw spent a memorable day today at Sembawang park, my childhood playground. Cousins and I were playing catching around the whole playground and terrorising the kids. Lol, felt like I was back in primary school, running around the whole place like it was ours. Woohoo!!!! Best lah, nanti we all go again k? Went to Vivo after that to shop for clothes for Mentah stinking cos the playground at Sembawang is freakin smelly. Came home late again this week. If this continues I'll totally have no time to revise my work. Shit, and mid years are coming. Bro's wedding is coming too! Can't wait for that! I'm really sad that he has to go, cos it's only been recent that we got close to each other. All those years bro had spent his life outside home and luckily he came to his senses a few years ago and decided that home is where the heart is. Took us quite a long time to know each other, cos we're 13 years apart and time and age has thrown us apart. And now when we are so close he's going away to build a new life with the love of his life. I'm going to miss him): But I'm happy that he's happy(: Love you, bro.

There's an ice box where my heart used to be

2007-05-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

Wah shit, that was a move that I will totally regret for the rest of my life. I will not attempt that suicide act anymore. It's embarrassing when you think he would wanna still talk to you when actually he doesnt cos he hates you like MAD! But it's okay, tmr will be a new day. What I just did just now was just a mistake that I will not repeat ever again. Hilang martabat aku buat seketika. Seketika eh. Bukan selamanya. Let it be, let it be. Patience is a virtue(:

2007-05-12T23:44:00.001+08:00

I never thought it'd be like this. The extent of your dislike is beyond measure.

2007-05-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

Time and Space

Workshop at TAPAC today. I expected something funner. But it was fun all the same. At least in the morning. Kak Alin was funny and everything la, she's so crazy, whacko whacko type. No wonder la, she's from Crescent(: I just can't understand why some guys don't like us Crescentians for being loud and crazy. Aiyah, kalau lemah lemah tu tak main lah, macam mane nak enjoy life beb. Lemah-lemah tak gerek ah bang, tak de kick. Haha, it's not that we're brought up to be this way in school or what, but I guess we're just being open minded and not be hypocrites about who we really are. No point masking our true selves, be quiet and demure and all, but really, actually in real life, you're everything but that. I've learnt that during my days in Crescent and I guess it's up to people to view us. Crazy and being outspoken may be a good or a bad thing, depending on the individual. But anyway, back to the workshop. Kak Alin's master class was entertaining and enlightening(: But after that was Mr Rohaizad's workshop and his stuff are really... random.. vague-ish... confusing.. I dunno. I was really spacing out at certain points of the workshop. Lol. But my strawberry jam! He was there! Accompanied me until my parents came to pick me up(: Nyahahahaha. He's one hotstuff that I probably won't see again until... Mentah IV and on the actual day of PPP. Oh wells):

Mentah IV is coming and I can't wait to catch it with Cousin Tina on Friday night (and strawberry jam will be there too!). There's the RJC play coming up next Saturday. Cikgu is bringing us dancers out for dinner on Wednesday. Fendi is coming to meet the PPP crew on Tuesday. I think I'm catching Jangan Pandang Belakang with Khai on Monday or Thursday. It's gonna be one heck of a busy week. How to study?!?! Mid years are coming and PPP is driving me nuts. Stage managing is one heck of a huge resposibility and there's so much work to be done. I need to learn how to multi task. If things go wrong, the SM will be blamed:/But as they say, the SM is God. Muahahahahhaa:)

There you are, living your life as a free man,
when I still feel so attached to you.

2007-05-12T22:34:00.000+08:00

Faizal– Mahakarya Cinta

Begitu berat melangkah
Melihat kau bersamanya
Adakah aku yang salah
Atau hanya helah saja

Ku masih mencintai diri kamu
Walau kau menjauh
Ku rindu

Kau bagaikan udara
Yang membantu aku untuk terus hidup diatas dunia
Tanpamu ku lemah
Pasti aku tak berdaya
Kerna kau mahakarya cinta

Biarpun kau tidak mahu
Menerima kasih daku
Ku kan setia bersamamu
Sehingga ke akhir waktu

Ku masih menyayangi diri kamu
Biar kau berlalu
Ku rindu

Kau bagaikan udara
Yang membantu aku untuk terus hidup diatas dunia
Tanpamu ku lemah
Pasti aku tak berdaya
Kerna kau mahakarya cinta

Kau takkan dapat aku lupakan
Kerna kau lah punca cinta kita
Mengajarkan ku erti bahagia
Temanilahku semula

Terimalah pesan daku
Yang masih akan menunggu

2007-05-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

Shitf***!

Wazzuuuuuuuupppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My day was so whacked! SO many funnythings happened during MCS and I don't regret joining it one bit, no matter how kental Isa think it is! My mates are frigging funny! Before interview, Zhaf, Shazwan, Dinah, Ika, Ramizah, Illie and I were talking a whole load of crap. Zhaf is freaking old fashioned and everything, he has got a million and one petua and pantang larangs. After interview we all played pictionary and crapped some more. I think my cheek muscles did a lot of work today cos Illie and I were laughing our butts off! Overall, interview went well(: Farah was trying to be serious but I know her too well to feel serious. So I wasn't that scared of what was going to happen. Alah, if only I could have another say. I was so gagap just now! Hehe:/ Lol:D On a lighter note, I think I passed chem today(: Malay was whacked! Malay class was never that lively. Today cikgu decided to be nice and not teach us. Cikgu's sindiran is so pedas! It's so.. subtle that nobody picks up on it and thinks about it. I was laughing to myself, thinking that everyone caught it, but nobody did and when I told Jan, she was ketawa-ing mengekek-ngekek! She didn't even realised Cikgu meant it THAT way. Lol. Sex ed and abortion talk was....................................... enlightening. I think. Cos people asked really stupid questions like 'how far will that thing be inserted into our....?' Go and measure laaaa. Suhadah was laughing like mad cos I said that if the guy is like really horny, it'll grow real, real long and go deeper and deeper till it exits through our mouth. She told me to shut up and ingat Tuhan. Lol! I was just kidding!!!! We were such cheeky bom boms during the talk, right Suhadah??!?!?!? So meluat. Lol!

Bubble, where are you?!

You can look at me any way you want, cos it don't matter to me what you think

2007-05-10T22:49:00.000+08:00

HOT DAY

Maths lecture sucked balls. I don't really like the lecturer, but it was kinda bad when she gave up during the lecture. She actually almost cried. And I thought that JC teachers were stronger than what we have back then in Crescent. There, even the male teachers cry! Don't even let me get started on Lucy, she cries on a daily basis when she teaches our class. Lol! Physics lecture was totally shit. I think I really need physics tuition. During physics nobody really listens, we just copy down the shit that the lecturers write and pretend we understand. And in real life, nothing even penetrates my thick skull. At least for physics. Lucky I didn't take physics at H2, I'd have just died and went to hell. I love bubble tea!!! Thirst quenchers for a hot day. Right, Shafi? :D Then during PE! Shit la, I tell you, I'm getting fat and getting more and more unfit everyday. Only my (what do you call that..... ) sit and reach! Yeah, I only improved in that station. Only that you know! And the amount of work I put into trying to pass that damn station. Stretched and stretched using the Keefe Loke method until I pulled my right hamstring which still hurts up till today! And I improved on sit ups too lah, cos I used to suck real bad at sit ups:D The others were crap and I think Michael tight pants is really really strict. How to pass NAPFA like that??!?!??!?!? Just now standing broad jump I swing and swing and swing, then jump until so little only. (Shit hahaha what kinda english is this??!) Then my left thigh hurt so bad after that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate NAPFA. It's like an annual hell fest. Shiatz.

No more Bubble):

Shit! It's already 1111!

2007-05-09T22:12:00.001+08:00

I miss you la, heck it. Why do I feel this way?

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything

2007-05-09T21:16:00.000+08:00

Sweet talking, sugar coated CANDYMAN!

Rugby match was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Syazwan was so hot............... He's so small! There was this time when he tried to tackle this big guy and he was holding on to that guy's leg like it was his life or smth. And that guy was running with Syazwan still holding on to him and he made it look as though Syazwan was a butterfly on his leg. Syazwan was like a freaking hovercraft laaaaaa his whole body was above the ground, like he was levitating or smth. But shit, the match was damn impressive. And as usual, number 2 is still the best(: He's so small and stocky. My favourite, no matter how ugly people think he is.

Had SPA in the morning! I don't think I screwed up the experiment part and the recording part, thank God I didn't swallow any chemicals this time. But the calculations... Shit laaa I really suck at calculating. Some ppl got 5, 6,7,8 for their X value. And me? I got 3! Fantastic. Nvm la I think I can scrape through.

PPP meeting was really funny. The most fun meeting I have ever had. And believe it or not, it was the first time I heard Syakira laugh out loud. Like, really loud! The stupid ideas we had to put into the script. We were laughing our asses off la like seriously. Illie was totally crazy, she was spitting ice kacang all over the place. Then after meeting went to watch rugby with Illie(: She's so fun to watch with. We both have very sudden outbursts. Esp when Syazwan has the ball(: Lol! After rugby match Jan and I went home, missed 190 cos we wanted to wait for our eyecandy. Can't believe we're sharing 2 of them! Lol. Macam gula2 gitu eh? In the end, he was waiting at the bus stop opposite. Then... Cheer was in the bus! Wowwwwwwwwwwww today was crazy lah, massive eyecandy day!(:

You're doing a great job at ignoring me. Congrats, babe

2007-05-08T21:28:00.000+08:00

I think God is so great. I don't think it. I know it. I love God. I really love you God, if you can hear me.It's beautiful to see how God crafts our lives in such a way that we all cross paths with one another. It's beautiful to see what happens when we leave matters into God's hands and watch things unfold before our very eyes. Aku redha dengan apa yang telah berlaku, kerana mungkin ada hikmah di sebalik semua yang berlaku antara kau dan aku. You had your own reasons for leaving me, I had my reasons to be angry at you. But everything happens for a reason and I know now why. I love you, God(:

I laughed so much today! Shahrul, Shazwan and Mario were crapping around and Shafi and I were laughing like crazy at their stupid acts! All of them are in MINDS and Shazwan thinks that he is UP syndrome. Lol! Sayang thought I was kecoh today, haha. I was dropping things everywhere. I dropped my water bottle in the bus and Ribena flooded the floors, I dropped my pencil case and my water bottle (again) during maths lec, dropped a lot of stuff during chem lec, screwed up the table during physics tut. And when I was going home, I was rushing to catch the bus (cos Jan's and my eyecandy was there!:D) and I thought I lost my EZ link card! So the fucking bus driver forced me to pay 90 cents instead of the usual 55 cents. And I didn't have enough money, lucky there was this nice lady who donated 20 cents to me(: Such a kind soul. I hate the stupid driver. Racist bastard or some sort. But anw, I found my EZ link card! Yayyyyyy lucky, if not mom would've killed me. So yeah, lessons were as usual a bore, except for physics (and no, Farid, not cos pretty face was there EWWWWWWWWWWW) cos Jims and Haris were soooo funny! Physics lessons are never boring, but it is a major eyesore. I was sooo tempted to sharpen my pen and turn it into a dart cos baby, her back was my bull's-eye. Hehe(: But yeah after that was real boring. Break before Malay was fun, it was nice talking to Haris and Mari and Shafi, it's been a long time since I did that cos last time I was afraid that ppl would talk again. But I'm a free man (woman) now and I realise my mistakes. Sorry guys! Love yall(: The H2 malay guys are not what I thought they were. They're really funny!!!!!!!!!!! Balls being eaten by kambing lah, what lah. Funny(:

I didn't see Bubble today. What a waste. He'd be the one who'll complete my day(:

Need to study for SPA! Scared now..

Go f_ck a Spider! Wanna buy a vowel, sayang?

2007-05-07T19:10:00.000+08:00

Beautiful awakening

It's been an awakening day. I learned so much about you today. Well, my girlfriends were there for me and I thank God for blessing me with such sensitive, caring friends. I won't be bitter about it. At least now I know what kind of person you are, and how little I mean to you.

I AM SO BORED! I was so green with envy when I heard about what Rucha did in Kerala, India seems like such a beautiful place! Can't wait to go there next year(: School is draining out all the energy from me, and surprisingly Quim still thinks I'm so full of energy like I was a year ago. Lol! Now school's all about studying, studying and MORE studying. Mid years are coming up! I'm biting my nails like popcorn cos I'm so scared! Don't wanna retain...): Even looking at Bubble doesn't give me as much pleasure as last time.

HOW??!?!?!?!?!?

Boys..

2007-05-06T19:17:00.000+08:00

Cruel to the eye
I see the way she makes you smile
Cruel to the eye
Watching her hold what used to be mine

I miss the times when your lips touch mine because it was then when I thought you'd never let me go. Come to think of it, I may be the first but I'm not the last, and when you had me in your embrace, did you even feel me? She'll be there to take my place, and your lips won't be mine to own anymore. Your hands as they hold my body close to yours will be hers to hold now. The warmth of your body, the rich sound of your laugh, won't be mine to enjoy anymore. I've lost the feeling of running my fingers through your hair cos it's been too long since I've done that. These things seem too small to you but they're what's keeping me from looking at you straight in the eye nowadays. That small space for me in your heart has been quickly replaced. I am buried deep inside No Where Near You.

Sure, I miss you badly but I'm no longer holding on to that glint of hope of you coming back to me. There's no use hoping and waiting for someone that will not be mine and doesn't want to be mine. Looking back, you were never crazy for me. I thought we never had a chance. But what did we say and do? How did I ever fall in love with you?

2007-05-06T17:32:00.000+08:00

I can't breathe easy, I can't sleep at night till you're by my side

Hahahahahahaha OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG after seeing her picture online it just cracks me up to see how he's stooped so low! Oh shit, I'm getting stiches in my tummy. Well, maybe she's got her plus points lah hor, nvm lah.. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it man. Lol

Ahh!!! Friday was rocking!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Went shopping with my cousin at Far East (:D) Okay lah, we went to other places but I just like the name Far East, it rings a pleasant bell in my mind. Decided that town was far too boring for our own liking and it was really crowded and noisy and we just needed to get away. Drove to East Coast to eat BBQ chicken wings and boy, those stuff are heavenly. Anw, if the car had a hidden camera and there was such a thing as Motor Mouth in Singapore, people would die of laughter seeing how the both of us were laughing (snorting, actually) and going crazy in the car with Paris Hilton singing in the background. Seaside breeze is so refreshing, and it was so serene that night. Talked about her problems with Goblin and my never ending problem with Rita. Life is so complicated sometimes, but it can be so randomly beautiful. Nothing in life can ever be predicted, so it seems.

Saturday morning went to do CWO in school. It was far more enjoyable than I thought it would be. People were getting CWO-ed for stupid reasons like their hair length, skirt and coming late. I just don't see the point in how pulling weeds can actually prevent students from repeating the same mistakes in the future. I think now the stinking garden at the end of the classroom block is spick and span thanks to our hard work. Dunno if the plant is alive or not, my new found friend and I were on a freaking rampage to cut all the flowers and plants that looked worthy of being cut. Plus it was such a scorching hot day and I almost died of heat stroke. No rugby some more! How to wash eyes?!?!? Pfft. Nobody to make me smile.

I've been thinking of you all day since your call last night. I wonder how much you've changed and how much that familiar face has aged. It's been years since I last saw you and we both know that time has changed us all. But time too, has made a fool out of us and we both know how much we want to turn back time and change things to make it better. I guess I'll just have to wait for next week to see how much time has damaged us. And I'm not looking forward to it.

Sometimes anger just boils within us, waiting for the right moment to erupt. Sometimes jealousy takes hold of us and brings us on the wildest thrill rides we've ever been on. Sometimes sadness kills you slowly and silently inside without you knowing it. And sometimes, happiness can be right in front of your eyes and you just don't know that it's there.

Like A Virgin

2007-05-04T18:57:00.000+08:00

Going retail therapy again! Cos I miss you sooooo much lol(:

2007-05-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

Drunk on Morning Dew

What started off as a good day turned out into something nasty. In the morning, I was really giggly with Judy and all. Judy claims I was drunk on morning dew. How funky is THAT?! Morning dew. It's like saying, "Hey, wanna have Sex on the Beach?" Lol. I dunno why they name drinks after Sex on the beach. Maybe after drinking they all get too drunk and lust after each other that they all have sex on the beach or sth. Then hor, while we were happily laughing away, we saw her! That stupid *&@*&!%@%$^$@$)_(#&@#*&^$#%&@#. Bumped into her first thing in the morning. Suay, my whole morning gone down the drain. I feel like bumping her inot the god damned road and watch her get run over by one of those cool army trucks. Rocking baby. I feel so brutal. So anyway, while doing malay homework in the library, I saw him! Buih kecil. What an adorable name! Syakira was laughing at my stupidity cos my mouth literally fell open when I saw him. Lol! Then hor, I failed physics leh. It's really kinda expected, but I thought I'd at least pass cos I was sorta confident. Nvm lah, will study harder. Now there's Khai to help me with physics. Thank God for that. Lunch was really a slap in my face. Cos I saw disturbing things that forced me to lose my appetite. I guess you're right. It was right in my face. I guess I should have listened to you a long time ago. Nasty, nasty stuff happened during lunch. Shudders.

It hurt to see you limping when you were running. Usually you fly during your runs but today was a bit different. I guess your leg still hurts, I dunno. But just. Take care. Miss you ~~sayang~~

Boy I love to watch you, you're like candy to my eyes
Like a movie that I've seen but gotta watch just one more time

2007-05-02T22:48:00.000+08:00

I'm bitter like dark chocolate.

Woohoo(: Mom's being a pain cos she insists I do my Malay homework, but I can do it tmr!!!!!! Lol now she's threatening to switch off the plug which will result in my brother being angry at her and this will trigger a chain of very unpleasant events. Now she thinks I'm calling her stupid. Moms and menopause, LOL!!!! So anyway, today's morning kicked off with a very angry and agressive start because I bumped into Little Miss Perfectly-sweet-cute-adorable-charming-lovable-... you get the point. Maybe I'll grow up to be a murderer, I dunno. Lol! But well.... The day developed into a better one, ending with a nice finish: The rugby match! Even though we lost, I think we played well(: Esp that one lah, he's so small that he looked so helpless when they take him down. But I bet he's not helpless lah, he's a strong man(: Ahahahaha. Today's match was brutal baby. Syazzey's head kena "scratched" as he calls it and the other guy had his eyelids torn. Whoopdeedoo. Scary shits man, lucky he wasn't hurt:/ Nothing much happened except for PPP meeting which was totally pointless cos people were not co-operating but nvm Liyana, sabar itu separuh dari iman and you might just go to heaven for it. I can't be angry at her for not liking me but acts like she likes me cos yall know everyone is a hypocrite, in one way or another. I'll just let karma do her stuff.. I'm used to letting karma get her way. I was some sort of angry when I heard that he is seeing someone else in such a short time but heck it, who really cares. Forget it. Pfft.

Better fuck yourself dry if you can't send her home, miss her trainings or miss her during recess huh.

2007-05-01T23:05:00.000+08:00

7) PLS FINISH PPP MEETING TMR BY 430 PM so as not to annoy members who are in a rush to go off :/ aper je.

Not to annoy members ke...nak tengok rugby match? Kwang kwang kwang!!!!

2007-05-01T20:12:00.000+08:00

You are such a wanker. There's no need to be bitchy for the mistakes that I've done in the past.

Maybe life is what Isa has just described to me. A mixture of excitement and dullness. Excitement of the rugby matches in school (OMGOMGOMGOSH! This is the time where all girls unite to cheer for their knights in shining armour who are fighting for... a plate. Uhhuh, I think it's a plate. Fight for a plate alright.) Dull is when I have nothing to do and nothing to study for and then end up reading Harry Potter and the half blood prince in the library. School's really quite stressful sometimes cos exams are coming up, PW is killing me and Cikgu Zainon thinks I've got too many excuses for not handing in homework. Oh well. Time to buck up! HOWEVER.... I still need my Saturday nights with cousin Tina(: Sleeping during midnight movies is a waste of money, window shopping at Tiff & Co is a waste of energy and walking around town at night laughing at stupid girls and their boyfriends is a waste of time. But wasting is fun!

Aiyah you know what? My habanero hot sauce might already have a baby! Shiat. OMG I'm so blur!!!! I was telling Ramizah about how TAPAC is a scary scary place, and it reminds me of a haunted school. Then I kept saying that it was seram you know, to scare her, but I totally forgot that she went there with us too on Saturday!!!!! Lol, I'm so bodoh sometimes. Anw, I cant stand Night at the Museum. It's so hilariously funny, it cracks me up all the time! Remember Pocahontas? And that her real name is Sakagawea? Omg, how fucking funny is that. Imagine if her village was invaded by enemies. Since she's really smart and all that, naturally the villagers will call her for help right? So they'll go around screaming "Help! Help! Somebody call SakagawEEEa! Call SakagawEEEa!" It's sucha damn bloody long name! Who the fuck gave her that name man?! By the time she hears her name being called, the whole village will already be vanquished by their enemy. AHAHAHHA how funny is that shit?! The shit about "Dum dum I want my gum gum" crap is so totally WHATEVER, I couldn't understand what was so funny about that. But everyone used to make such a big joke out of it. Is it just me or.....

Canteen food still sucks and cafe food is still expensive so I might as well just starve to death in this bloody institution. Malay homework is la tortura, maths is suicide and physics is a killer. So why go to school? My eyes hurt! My contacts tore! My heart is bleeding! My feelings are hurt! My...

Aahahhaha gotcha! I aint gonna emo no more. Time to move on! No more bleeding of the heart, no more hurting of my feelings, I'm a new man!! To infinity and beyond!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, lets get all that above in action!

Eh damn it, Rascal Flatts's What hurts the most is really an impactful song man.

"I don't believe in soulmates and true love because it IS cheesy" Very well said, Ms Adri Sa'at.

2007-04-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

Saturday and Sunday was really fun! Workshop was really great, though the first day was kinda boring towards its end. Tapac is such a rundown place and it'll be freaky at night when we go for practice. So anyway, saturday was rocking. After PPP, I went out with Zhaf, Illie and Hanum to find Zhaf's pencil case. Had such a great time laughing at each other and stuff. Went out with cousin after that! Went to watch The Shooter. Shit, yall should go and watch it! It's such a great movie. Very calculative and scheming, but some parts are sorta fake when you think it over. Nvm that, Mark Wahlberg was so hot in that movie. In the cinema there was this total biatch wearing tudong with her really "cute" boyfriend and she thought we were staring at him. So after the movie we went out to chase him to teach that bitch a lesson. Lol! Went home at midnight on saturday and boy, was I beat. Mat motors are hot, by the way(:

How are you? I wish I could just make you turn around. That's what I wanted to ask. But there was this barrier. It was as though you wanted to shut me out of your life forever. Turn around and see me cry. Aku tahu kau sudah ada penggantiku. Tapi aku rindu padamu. There's so much I need to say to you. I have too many things to say, but you won't listen to me no more. So many reasons why. I thought things were alright. But again, I thought wrong. I wish I could read your mind. Aku mahu menyelami hati dan fikiranmu. Ingin ku tahu apa yang tersirat di hatimu yang sekarang ku anggap beku. Tiada rasa apa-apa lagi buat diriku yang terkapai-kapai tanpa kehadiranmu. So close yet so for away.

2007-04-27T21:52:00.000+08:00

Today during assembly, Mr Yeo had a good talk with us. And that was when I realised that all this has been a mistake. We never meant to do the things we did, but curiosity got the better of us. It's sad to think that I'll never get to know you any better cos the chance is ruined after whatever that's happened. Shithole, I feel so screwed up. Wish it didn't turn out this way. Looking at your past, I think she was one feisty senorita that you went all googoogaga over and tried so hard to win her heart. Lesson learnt(I think you do know what I mean) Lol(: I can now laugh at my stupid mistakes but my heart still cries sometimes when I think of what we had, no matter how little the memories are. Now I feel like turning back time and start all over with you again. Shake hands with you, say "Hi I'm Liyana but you can call me Orked" and after that life goes on.

Long time no play pool sia. Need to release stress! Need to laugh at myself playing pool like a damn loser. I just don't know how come playing pool makes me happy. Lol!!! Anw just now was rugby match and we won MI! Wow, Ilya is one raging bull in the field, man. Unstoppable seh, he was like on a rampage. Hazlyn was gushing over number 2, lol. Finally, someone to take my place. Not my competitor, no. My predecessor. Lol(:

And OMGOSH I CAN'T WAIT FOR PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN!!!!!!! ME LOVE JOHNNY DEPP, HOOGA SHAKA.

2007-04-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

I have learned the art of prioritising! Finally. Now I have a clear view of what I have to do(: In the morning it was raining so heavily and it was butt freezing. Had an umbrella but my umbrella was leaking!!!!!! So unlucky rightttt. But I handed in my PI early!!!! I'm not gonna let my efforts go to waste again. Today was basically a study study study day but I felt good after that. I still cannot believe that I did my overdue karangan in 15 minutes flat! WOW. And I ran 10 rounds during PE! What a great feat. Well, actually I ran 8 since my lunch was already at my throat like Mr Loke's mee siam. He's such a funny funny man(: Nothing much happen, school's been sucha bore these days. Exams are coming up and I'm beginning to feel the stress. Better start mugging! Something funny happened today but I forgot what. Damn. And shat, PPP is coming. Talking about malay stuffs, I can't believe Yana didn't win anything yesterday! I think the judges are school-cist. I mean hello, NJ's pendeklamator was not as good as Yana. But oh well, the world is not a fair place because if it is, the roses wouldn't have thorns.

OMG there's this small fishy mini stingray like thingy sticking on my goldfish's tail! Mom's picking it out now and ew omgosh I'm getting major goosebumps! It's disgusting stuff, ugh.

Something bad happened while on my way home just now. See lah Farah, now I want my contoured bodyguard to protect me. Why did you have to bring him up:(

Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
~~But still no word from you~~

Aiyah, now tengah emo lagi. Asal malam je, emo. Asal emo je, malam. Boring ah gini. Yes, yes it would NEVER work out, I hear you.

2007-04-25T19:45:00.001+08:00

I walked in the rain alone and not even once did you turn back to see if I was okay

Someone said you have this super heck care attitude lah. Like when you're facing a problem and then you can't solve it, you just say ahhh tak pe lah and then leave it. So I guess that's what you're doing to me right now. Just throw me away. I'm just disappointed, way beyond words.

Being so close to you just now was suicide. To be so close yet so far away. I know I shouldn't expect anything of you and I'm not. I just wished that we could be like before. I miss your comforting presence and your reassuring smile. I know I haven't been good to you and you can believe your mates all you want but trust me on this, you were and still are the only one that I feel for.

Useless rantings! Fucking useless rantings. Save it for yourself, Liyana. You know everything you say is useless. U-S-E-L-E-S-S. USELESS. Useless. Omg do yall know, sometimes if you say a word too many times you'd actually forget what it means for a moment? If no then I guess it's just me. Lollllllllllllll. Anw, maybe I should try and force myself to stop feeling for you like you've stopped feeling for me. Maybe I should say.... DISAPPEAR! I dunno how you do it so easily. I'm so envious of you. Like, you know, it's so easy for you to just go around doing your daily stuff like nothing happened. Shit lah, I want that power. That ability to forget. Dang.

So anw, today was IJ thingy. B-O-R-I-N-G. I screwed up while playing the piano because I wasn't playing the piano PIANO you know, I was playing a mini keyboard and I screwed up cos my fingers were all crammed into small spaces. Lol. Damn it. Other than that, boring day.

"Aku hanya pinta secebis hatimu untuk merinduiku"

2007-04-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

P/S: I Love You

Omg, it's been a long time since I've talked to Ruchika. I really miss a friend whom I can talk to about anything and everything under the sun. I miss that feeling of security and comfort. I miss you Rucha, whyyyy oh why did you have to leave? It feels great to be talking to you online, but its not the same. But everytime we're online, it feels that you're still in Bishan and we're gonna meet each other soon. Pls tell me you're coming back to visit soon. I've got LOADS to tell you!!!!!!! And we've got lotsa shopping and food trying to do, young lady. Sights to see, things to do(:

My english has deteriorated over the past few months. I remember those times in Crescent where everyone spoke nothing but English (well, sometimes when we feel like being mats or minahs we'll speak really crappy Malay). But now in Pioneer, everyone speaks their native language and English is like a second language you know? I feel so out of touch.

You say you don't wanna hurt me but your words cut me like a knife.

I miss you so badly it hurts

2007-04-23T18:46:00.000+08:00

~~Jangan dekat atau jangan datang kepadaku lagi~~
Aku semakin tersiksa karena tak memilikimu
~~Kucoba jalani hari dengan pengganti dirimu~~
Tapi hatiku selalu berpihak lagi padamu
Mengapa semua ini terjadi kepadaku
Tuhan maafkan diri ini
Yang tak pernah bisa menjauh dari angan tentangnya
Namun apalah daya ini
Bila ternyata sesungguhnya aku terlalu cinta dia…

LAGU INI KEREN BANGET(:

There was only one thing that made me laugh my ass off today. Stupid Judy was chasing me at the concourse and it was raining sooooo heavily so the floor was wet. And well, I knew it was a big mistake to run on the wet floors cos I knew it was going to be slippery. Before I could run away from them I acutally slipped! Shit, so embarrasing. You know, those cartoon-like, embarrasing kinda fall when everyone goes 'OOOOOHHHHH' and then laugh out loud. Right after I fell, Judy fell too and lucky for me, nobody was walking in front of me so they didn't see the red hot shorts I was wearing. Lolllllllll. I almost died laughing. And I almost died of pain cos I landed on my left elbow and heard it crack. Now I'm feeling sorta numb on my left hand. But other than that, today was quite a boring day cos I have nothing to look forward to anymore, nobody left to smile at, nobody to make my dull day. I wish I could have all that back but like your friend said, you might just already let go of everything and forget it all happened.

GP's topic today was on singlehood and boy oh boy, am I sick of that word.

I've lost my Prince Charming, can you find him in your heart for me?

2007-04-22T22:08:00.000+08:00

And my wasted heart will always love you.

If only I were numb.
If only you knew that your leaving is causing me so much pain I can't even sleep for fear of dreaming of you.
If only you knew I want us to stay as what we were, nothing more and nothing less.
If only you knew everything.
If only.
If only.
If only.

If only you were thinking of me right now.

When you go, would you even turn to say, "I don't love you like I did yesterday"

2007-04-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

I'm so darn proud of you but I wish I could just tell you how much I am. It was like being in your body. Every race you ran, my heart thumped like I was about to run too. And with every race you won, my heart leapt with unimaginable joy. When you were there in your moment of joy, my heart swelled with so much happiness and pride I could almost burst into tears. I wanted to stand up and yell to the world that you were mine and nobody else's. That's how much you mean to me. I guess it's okay if I don't mean much to you, I haven't been doing you right. And I don't have any right to tell anyone that you're mine, because, well, technically you aren't mine but I'd love to make you mine only if you let me. But tonight, all I wanted to say was baby, I'm so damned proud of you. And no, I don't hate you, no matter how busy you are nowadays or whether you can't make it on Sundays or not. Goodnight love.

2007-04-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

Just a small smile would do

I thought today was going to be a great day because I saw Bubble first thing in the morning(: What a beautiful surprise. But I was wrong. The day started off with a boring PW lesson, followed by a very dull break. After that was Chem lecture and I stupidly fell asleep halfway while copying so I wrote rubbish. LT4 was like a mini North Pole cos I was freezing my buttocks off. Before maths lecture I went to the canteen to get my drink and then I saw the hottest guy alive:D He made my dull and boring day. Thanks love(: My cheeks were hurting from smiling after that. Yadah yadah, basically the day was boring. PPP meeting was bullshit cos some of them were just plain uninterested. Thanks to Zhafri for being my personal shrink, thank God you're the director.

Sometimes I just don't understand kenapa some people are just too uninterested in Malay-related activities. Some of them complain, kenapa masyarakat kita tak maju. Some are embarrassed by our masyarakat. How do these people expect changes to happen just by sitting around, complaining and doing nothing to change our society? Kalau ada activities yang dianjurkan oleh MCS tak ramai yang datang. It's quite disappointing to see our very own Malay students not supporting these events. I just don't understand. You're ashamed by your own race, but you won't do anything about it. So why don't you move your lazy asses and do something! Sheesh.

Today was a very thoughtful day. Once again, the topic of kiamat was raised in my mind. I'm scared. I don't wanna see kiamat. I haven't been a really good Muslim and I haven't been repenting. The thought of kiamat scares me crazy. Every Friday afternoon when the boys go for their Friday prayers, I'd be praying silently in my heart, hoping that it won't be my last day on earth.
And then came the thoughts of my studies. JC life is crazy. I don't even know if I can cope. Every morning I dread going to school, just thinking about the amount of work that I'll be doing later that day. I don't look forward to school anymore. There's nothing to look forward to anyway. The pace that they teachers are going is like being on a bullet train. I really suck at physics, but maybe that's because I'm asleep during the lectures most of the time. Maths and Chem requires me to revise regularly but I just can't bring myself to do it. Even Malay is driving me nuts. There's like a million assignments to do everyday. White box festival is another step to being admitted into the mental hospital. Darn, I really need to buck up.

I watched Mother Theresa yesterday. I wish I could be like her.

Sekiranya sang bayu menyentuh raut wajahmu, itulah rinduku yang sedang memanggil namamu

2007-04-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

You say you dream of my face, but you don't like me

I love shopping! Today was soooo rocking, went out with Jans, Dewi, Anum and Shahrul to discuss debate. Shahrul is sooooo cute(: But he's Jan's new eyecandy so I guess I'll just stick to Bubble, but I'm okay with that. Nobody else's eyecandy beats my Bubble Boy(:

Anw in the train to CCK today, there was this beautiful Chinese lady who kept flipping her long, rebonded hair at my face whenever she talked to her handsome boyfriend. I really enjoyed the feeling of hair tickling my bare arms.

NO.

It was so irritating! I tolerated it at first cos beside me was this really smelly ahpek. So I had no choice but to tahan. I tried to hint to her that her hair was all over my face by poking her side with my arms but being the thick skinned bitch that she was, she continued flipping it. Damn, if only I had a pair of scissors in my hands. Then, she did it. My blood went to the upstair (LOL, the Malay way of saying "My temper reached its boiling point) I screamed at her and told her to stop flipping her God damned hair. Then I think she was either stupid or deaf cos minutes later, she was at it again. God, I was so tempted to just pull her hair. Lucky CCK's only 8 minutes away. Really, nowadays I'm in sucha foul mood. Maybe it's because of the stupid garbage truck that always parks at the bus stop every morning before I go to school.

In the afternoon I met Rami and Illie to destress. Omgosh, when we were in the train to City Hall, there was this weirdo who kept following us! So whacked okay. When we wanted to get off, he actually told us to sit down. Ew, weird. Anw, we went to Fullerton's Starbucks to do PPP stuff. Instead of destressing, the three of us were racking our brains trying to figure PPP out. Lol(: Went to meet my cousin after that. Went shopping(:Spent quite a lot today. I'm broke again now. Anw, it's been a long time since we went out and talked. I miss her):

When the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping!

2007-04-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

Play me like I'm Barbie

Tell me when will you be mine? Tell me, Quando quando quando

It's been so long since I've updated! For all those who msged me asking me the results, sorry for not replying!! We got SILVER(: How fantastic, and we're the pioneer batch for malay dance. I'm sorry NJ got bronze, cos we were all rooting for them. They were really good. But I'm soooo proud of us!!!!!!!!!(: Almost died of happiness when cikgu broke the news to us. Okay lets recap. SYF day was rocking but I totally had no mood cos my eyes were hurting so bad. Stupid contacts. Then wanted to watch rugby but they all have something on, so went to AC to meet Isa. I can't believe we lost 80-3. Pfft. Talk about rugby, it's been YEARS since I last saw Bubble): Damn I miss him. I don't see him in the canteen anymore. Like NEVER. Shucks): Now I have nothing much to look forward to during my breaks. It's just study study study and no eye candying. But I miss you more

After malay dance, there wont be anymore of going home late at night. No more dinner while laughing at the boys making jokes. No more of being tired of dancing. No more anything!!!! I'm gonna miss my dancers):

No more you. Does this mean that after this we wont be like before?

When you go

Would you even turn to say

"I don't love you

Like I did Yesterday"

You say you dream of my face, but you don't like me

2007-04-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

Vindicated

Woohoo! Spa was ROCKINGGGGGGGGGGG(:

Darn it yall, SYF is in... 5 days!!!!!!! And we're soooo unprepared. I just hope Redzuan's a fast learner. Then everything will be almost perfect. Indian dance got Silver and they're apparently very good. Cikgu thinks we're hopeless. So I think we'll get Gold with honours. Yayyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

Your loneliness is not mine to fill

It's been 4 lonely days for me, but it seems like nothing to you.

Suay day. I was kinda confused in the morning and all, GP as usual sucked BUUUUUTTTT break was FUN!(: I love monday breaks. So anyway, the boys were teasing me again and I got really pissed cos they crossed the line. I almost killed Haris but he's sweet and all and after all he's my very own Justin Terbalik(: Chem was fun, blah blah blah. I don't understand redox AT ALL so blah blah blah was the only thing that was resonating in my mind. I hate Mr Chua lah (*&!@^%^#$%!#@%$# he totally spoiled my mood. I hate maths tutorials. Damn, I love maths but with Mr chua around I think I'm gonna really hate tutorials. Shit. After school went shoe hunting since mom's birthday is tmr!!!! She's turning lucky 55. Wanna know why it's lucky? Cos she used to say she was 45 when she was 54 but now NAAAAAAAWWWWWW she's gotta say she's 55, she aint got no choice. Then when she turns 56 she can't possibly tell ppl she's 65 right right right? So.... moral of the story is SETINGGI-TINGGI TUPAI MELOMPAT AKHIRNYA JATUH KE TANAH JUAAAAAAAAAA. Aha, lollllllll.

Cos I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

2007-03-29T19:36:00.000+08:00

I love tangy thursdays

Hola gorgeous(: Well it's been a nice day. Been a bit thoughtful today, reflected on who my real friends are, what they take me for, what I mean to them and what they mean to me. I didn't sleep through any lesson today so that's a great start, I should eat omega 3 pills every morning. PE was fun, YEAH RIGHT. At least I know that I've burnt some of me fats. Dancing doesn't help. Many malay dancers are plump like plums anyhoo. Cikgu Osman is a PERFECTO EXAMPLO.

ME BORED.

I've got TONS of homework and projects to do, and I think JC life is getting to me. I'm really stressed and I realise I don't have time to sit and mope around being depressed at night when I can do my homework and study instead of staring at my phone waiting for it to ring.
I'll just see you in school(:

It has been a long time since I've had fun with my girlfriends. I needa dirty dance with Jans, but she's got like her peeps now and I'm with the boys most of the time so.... Do the math.

Take care): Come home in one piece. I'm gna miss you ):

Penny and me Tonight

2007-03-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

Trapped in a Masquerade

Today was definately colourful(: Morning was quite dry though. First period was GP and that Kelly was soooooooooo boring that I fell asleep during her class, AGAIN. Had PE after that. I dreaded going for PE cos it was sucha long time since I ran. Was on full steam during the first 2 rounds then I pancit-ed lah. Luckily for me, I had Suhada and Syakira(: After PE had a LOOOOONG break and to make things worse Bubble wasn't there to wash my eyes. The DM is really boring sia, I got him for maths. Die, I'll be sleeping throughout his entire tutorial. Then got house meeting(: Happy times.

After dance today we went to watch the rugby boys play. Ooh lala:D I wont elaborate, but that sure was the highlight of the day! :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Need I say more?

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be missing you

Enough to sum up what I'm gonna feel soon. I'm gonna miss you

2007-03-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

I Kissed a Frog that Wouldn't Turn into a Prince

I had sucha bad night. He hits me all the time): And sometimes it hurts. Cikgu doesnt wanna send us to NJ cos she's scared that we'll make a fool out of her,but she wants us to perform well during SYF. Without exposure it'll be difficult for us to perform on stage on the actual day. I dunno why but I thought that it was a bit selfishof her to think twice about sending us to NJ to perform. And after dance today I left and he didnt even ask where I went. I guess I'm just unnoticable (though I'm not what you'd call small and petite, I'm actually quite big). No, I guess I mean nothing.I guess it's time to finally realise that he doesnt feel shit for me and let go. It's sad though, come to think of it. Though we didnt spend much time with each other I felt that there was actually something going on between the both of us. How careless of me to think that. How naive could I get? I should have guessed right from the start. And as he reads this, how much does anyone wants to bet that he wouldnt comment on what I've said today cos it's all true? It's like that damned song, everyday I love you less and less. Lol. Now its stuck in my head.

I am the victim of cinta monyet. Use and throw. Love her and hate her. Wait, what cinta? what Love? What nonsense is that? True love doesnt exist. At least not right here, not right now.

On a lighter note, I had a good day today definately. I'm finally warming up to the class.

I'm not what I used to be.

2007-03-25T17:58:00.000+08:00

Seven Minutes to Midnight

Haha, nooooo its a few hours to midnight but whatever. Okay, I guess JC life is getting to me. I'm getting stressed cos EVERYONE is studying. And I'm still slacking away. I'm not really INTO my class, ya know. The whole of what, S06 (first 3 months) is transferring to my class cos they just can't bear to separate with their beloved. Like, whateverrrrrrr. It's not like this is S06 AFTER the first three months period right. It's S08 like hello, wake up, open up your bloody narrow minds. There's this one guy who apparently BEGGED to come to my class, and hello, if he's cute tak pe. Muke macam nak kene sepak sia. So anyway, the class gives me some kinda weird vibe. I hope I settle down soon.

I wished I didnt slack so much during first three months. Cos now I can't get into the study mood. I STILL feel like ponning lectures and go to canteen to wash eye with Jans. But now Shaf wants to go concourse like, ALL the time so.... Bye bye Bubble, I bet he's really happy that I can't come to the canteen anymore. So anw as I was saying, I can't get myself to study. Darn ittttttttttttttt.

Omg, if only I could get my hands on him. I'd wring his neck and then chop him into many pieces and cook curry and feed it to his many many pretty fans. But first, I must eat. Eat, gain weight, and then be a sumo wrestler. Then I can smack him with my HUGO butt and then getting my hands on him would be WAYYY easier.
You can run, but you can't hide.

Damn I sound like a whacked stalker or some sort. But nawww. I'm just wayyy pissed. I need to talk to someone.

Love me or hate me, that is the question.

2007-03-20T19:10:00.000+08:00

Q:Just asking Lee, do you still like ******?
A:Hahahaha! NO.

Today was half priced waffles day and dang it even though stupid Jannah didnt come to school we still went! I starved myself the whole day today (starve meaning 1 plate of macaroni) just to make some space for waffles. I wished I didnt eat at all cos the waffles were sooooo.... memuakkan. Like if you eat too much you just feel like puking cos it's too sweet! Was tempted to buy the triple cheese chickien from chippy's but nawwww I'm saving up for my bag, pjs, daddy's shoes and a volcom jacket. Which will cost 300 bucks altogether. And will take me 30 days to save up without eating. Woohoo! Kill two birds with one stone. Slim down and get to buy all my stuff. Today's school was fun lah.. Okay la.. Not bad lah.. Whatever lah.. Ponned PW (what a subject to pon). Other than that I've been a good girl. Yong shng was shocked I didn't pon lessons cos during pae all I did was pon lessons, wahaha. Eh shit I wanna cut hair seh. Cut cut cut, snip snip snip. And today I didnt eat hotdog! Yay, I'm closer to losing weight. Even though it was so god damned tempting cos it was half price. Eh I just found out today that Pissed is crude. Cos MTV censored it. I always thought it wasnt. Hehe, doesnt make a difference so heck it.

Today went out with Shafi and Jims to Far East. Must say properly okay, it's FaRRRR EasTTTT. After waffles went to walk walk at heeren and then took bus to Bukit Batok wahhh the ride was damn long. I could have dropped at Holland and took 7 to clementi then to Jurong East and I'm home. But this stupid 77 ah. Went to Bukit Timah lah, what lah. Took me and hour to get home. Fuyooohhh. Damn long siaaaaa.

Had a smacking great day today(: Loves

2007-03-16T23:35:00.001+08:00

Dumped my phone in the toilet bowl cos I don't wanna hear it ring no more.

2007-03-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

I'm angry. I'm hurt. My hopes have been dashed over and over again. He's said it one too many times but I didn't learn my lesson. Now it's happening again. I'm depressed. Why win my heart and watch it soar up high in the sky, just to let it come crashing down? I'm confused. My mind's a wreck, I'm a mess. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm in too deep to let go.

Okay, now look on the brighter side. Worse things could have happened to someone else. Think of the malnutritioned kids in Somalia and Rwanda. Sad, sad lives. 1 out of 4 die below the age of 5. Didn't even get the chance to fall in love. Praise Allah, I lead such a blessed life compared to them.

If I continue being this way, being depressed and then looking on the brighter side, I think I might just go mad. Being sad then being happy in an instant. It's like the start of insanity. I'm at the brink of madness. And school hasn't even started.

Okay, maybe this is due to the lack of Bubble dosage, hah. Not funny.

2007-03-16T11:39:00.000+08:00

Les Miserables? NO WAY.

Haha, I was looking through my old posts and I came across one that was talking about this number 25 and now I can't remember who I was talking about! Can't be Bubble right, I don't even know his jersey number. Holy fag if I knew his jersey number I must be some kinda fagging weirdo who's totally obsessed or smth. And yeah, I came across more posts about Bubble. Still remember that time when Ruzaini told me that Bubble totally freaked out. Hah, Lol! Aiyah, he's still the uh candy of my eyes:/ HAHAHA what the fag, so funny sia. What to do, sometimes I just CAN'T HELP MYSELF. Must practice self control! Right JANNAH, huh huh huh. MUST LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR EYES! Hehe(:

2007-03-16T11:30:00.000+08:00

Setelah ku fahami
ku bukan yang terbaik
yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat ku sangsikan
ternyata dirinyalah yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
bila ku menjadi bisu kepada dirimu
Bukan santunku terbungkam
hanya hatiku berbatas
untuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Walau ku masih mencintaimu
ku harus meninggalkanmu
ku harus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
nurani membutuhkanmu
ku harus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
yang mampu memahamiku
yang dapat mengerti aku

Ternyata dirinyalah
yang sanggup menyanjungmu
yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

2007-03-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

My Sweet Escape

OKAY, HYPERVENTILATING IS REALLY UNHEALTHY but what the heck. Life's getting more exciting by the day, unexpected things have been happening to me. I'm shocked. VERRRRY shocked.

Ya know, I'm so depressed I might actually lose some weight. Usually when I'm depressed I'd eat a lot like during O's but this time I'm so depressed I'm just too lazy to eat and too sad to swallow my food. I think I'm being played, ya know. Like sort of a toygirl, ha. Something to satisfy one's desires. Not in THAT way you dirty thinkers, like a substitute for something that someone can't get or can't get over. I can't help but compare myself to her. I'm not good enough, never will be good enough for you. She's perfect, no? Everything that you've ever dreamed of.

But oh well, like I always tell my friends, look on the brighter side of things(: The grass is always greener on the other side right? So yes, Bubble is always there to soothe my sore, sore eyes (AHA! Lol) I have fabulous friends(: What more can I ask for?(:

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

From Disney's Hercules

How cute!

AND OMG, guess who made my day?!?! (well, actually, night) Hah

Love me or hate me

2007-03-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

Fag it, I'm so pissed

I'm okay, I'm okay, thanks to all who are concerned. But I still can't find what I'm missing. I'll tell you about it in the letter, Rucha. I need the opinion of someone whom I trust and has better judgement than I do. Farah my dear 'sister', I'm okay(: And no, I haven't found anyone nicer to talk to than you(: Promise. I love all of you:(

I'd give my all, but will you ever?

2007-03-03T21:14:00.000+08:00

What hurts the most?

To be staring at your phone and nothing comes up.

Damn I'm so depressed I can't put it in words. I have this really bad feeling in my heart. Like I'm missing something. Like I left something behind. Like I lost something in the train or in the bus and never find it again. Smock it.

Oh, you don't mean NOTHING at all to me.

2007-03-01T21:41:00.000+08:00

I. AM. BORED.

2007-02-17T19:20:00.000+08:00

OH YEAH!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDY MY LOVE~! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD
I love you girlfriend:)

2007-02-17T18:52:00.000+08:00

I'm your personal massager ;D

CNY celebrations was a blast! Okay, not the concert but after the concert. Dikir was.... okay I guess. We were really soft but hey, we managed to pull it off within 3 days and still not screw up so badly. Come to think of it, we didn't even screw up. I was so nervous when I was about to sing cos had stupid sore throat that refuses to go away even after 3 weeks! I don't think my voice is ever going to get better): Anw, I realised that yesterday's CNY concert was a totall B-O-R-E. Yipes, and I thought Crescent was bad. So, well then, my girlfriends and I went took a bus to Far East for lunch at BK. We had a whole lot of adventure in the bus:) Only they would know why. Hurrhurr:) After lunch we took Neos! Pretty pretty neos, this time is home clothes:)Then took a bus down to Singapore Shopping Centre, a totally ulu place I must add, to play pool cos we thought the boys were going there too. Then ya know, we just like disturb them while they're playing. While waiting for him to call after Friday prayers we went to play at the arcade!!!!! I love the arcadeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:DDDDDDDDDD Played Daytona with my arch nemesis (JANS) and well, lost again cos of the stupid mistake I keep repeating. Damn damn damn. Then played the stupid but fun House of the Dead! Scary scary game. Me and Jans were screaming like crazy again. Took more videos and pictures which I will put up later. Then he called to say they were playing at Cine so we left. Took the underpass at SSC and took MORE MORE MORE vidoes and pictures!!!! Had a really great time laughing and filming and making a fool out of ourselves. Went to PS to meet Shaf and then left for Heeren then Cine to meet the guys. Bus ride back to school was really funny!:) Khai was telling us real funny jokes that kept us awake and fresh during the whole bus ride. By the time we got to school it was raining like giraffes and elephants so we came late for dance. Well, all in all, I had a fantastic day with my peeps! Love yall, and Farah, I'll miss youuuu!!!!!!!):

Singapore shopping centre

In the bus

Jumping at the underpass!

WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Budak budak dikir and I'm so damn fat

Mirror at PS

Singapore Shopping Centre again

Aiyah, I dunno how to put up the videos. I'll put them up after I upload it up to Youtube.

I love my girlfriends!

2007-02-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

I think I could like you, I already do

I'm so sad): Farah has to leave PJ. I wish she would just come for the last week, at least celebrate Valentine's with us. But I guess she really wants to leave pj. Cant change her mind la. Farah if you're reading, come to school one last week pls!

O level results were great, but I missed my target by one freaking point. And bio is gonna dirty my cert. Stupid! Should have listened to Mrs Lee and drop that damn subject. C6 lehh. How freaking stupid. At least I passed. Aha! I bet I just scraped through. Oh well, today we had dikir. Woke up late but rushed all the way to cck to find that everyone was going to be late. I hate late people. Tmr got dikir at 9, I think I should come at like, 11 or smth. And whyyyyy oh why do some people want something so much but wont put in the effort to make it happen? Their attitude just pisses me off. Today's not my day. Monday blues. But then Shaf me and Jan had to paint the stupid babi. Nobody else came and during class discussion almost 10 people volunteered to help. But not one sould showed up. Fantastic, memang patot tahun ni tahun babi pon. Perangai semorang macam babi, including me. Lol! So anw painting the babi was nice, we gossiped while working so it was really fun. Jan spilled mee soto on my hand and Shaf sprayed gold paint on me (all accidental though, either that or they wanna take revenge la, lol! Cos I always bully Shaf and Jan's nose always kena victimised by my evil "eh aper tu "(and points downwards) jokes) But all in all we completed the damn lantern (finally!) and hung it. Wanted to watch our masterpiece and found out that our lantern is so freaking small compared to the other classes! And the small pigs look really funny cos they were dangling from the big pig's neck. Look like the big pig's balls according to Farah. Lollllll. So yeah, ate ice cream after that with my girlfriends:) I love my homies:DDD

Today's ice cream gang. So sad, no Farah):

Baby boy you stay on my mind

2007-02-08T22:44:00.000+08:00

Baby boy:)

Went out with my class today! 07S27 is such a funny class:) Took the MRT from cck to dhobu ghaut and we conquered the train! We were so damn noisy, esp Felicia and Shafina! Kept arguing about who was taller and stuff like that. So cute! Took pictures in the train

Me and Melody! So chio :)

Played pool at this super ulu place near plaza sing. Hui Yu Me and Jannah were newbies (okay, I'm not really a newbie I just suck at it and look like a newbie. Zahid would know, LOL) and we played on a table to ourselves. It was so freaking funny cos we hit each other's balls (ew that sounded wrong) and helped each other score. In other words, it was healthy competition. Too healthy, I must say. Hui Yu was my partner and she was so funny! We kept confusing who was the next one to shoot and we always shoot blank balls! Lol lol lol:) Took some pictures but some of them havent send to me yet. Will upload soon. Then before going to eat me and Jannah went to play arcade games! Played daytona and well, I got 2nd place la okay. Was actually leading but then I accidentally hit another dumb car and flipped. So funny, during the game we were screaming shit ass vulgarities la, and to think that we vowed not to swear until O level results are out. Lol. Then played the stupid zombie game which was so damn scary and yes, there was another round of vulgarities. This is the stupid zombie game. Tried to act abit serious la, konon-

konon zombie la.

And I'm so freaking dark.

So anw today had a great day with my peeps! Heard that only Zimah and Hidayah went to school. I feel so bad for not going school ): But nevertheless, today was a really fun day and I'm gonna miss you guys, s27!

So, baby boy. Should I stay or should I go?

Love you:)

2007-02-04T22:23:00.000+08:00

OLE OLE OLE OLE!

Weyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Singapore menang wey! Wa caya sama lu Singapore!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg omg omg omg omg omg:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Okay, I lied when I said I wasnt going to watch. Hurrhurr, couldnt stand the temptation. I really like Jia Yi, he's such a cool cucumber:) And and and omgomgomg Amri saved the day!!!! Was yelling my heart out just now. Macam gini ah main gerek, tengok pon tak penat:)

WA CAYA, SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-04T20:00:00.000+08:00

So near yet so far away

Its Thailand vs Singapore now! But I don't wanna watch, it's too scary. I just pray that Singapore wins :) So anyway... Concert ended last night. It's been so long since I performed in a concert that I felt really tired during the concert. Jannah thought I looked really bored and dead. Lol, how funny. Thanks to all who came and supported! After concert was the highlight of last night. After eating at macs near Boat Quay we all squeezed into one cab! All 6 of us. So funny:)

This is the cute boy I was eyeing during practices. Lol:) But nawwwww, my heart belongs to only one

Havent I told you 24th Feb babies are perfect?

Girlfriends!

Ma sista

All of us

Memories

2007-02-03T00:17:00.000+08:00

I'm not crazy Im just a little unwell,

I know right now you can't tell

But stay a while and maybe then youll see

A different side of me

Wow! I broke my voice today! Lol, okay la not broke it. Just that my voice is totally koyak rabak-ed from today's bbq! Not that I screamed at all, I was just laughing a lot with my peeps. I am so gonna miss my malay girls): The crazy girls who'd grind wth you obligingly in the middle of the parade square as though the school is empty, the ones who make your day, and the ones that you can trust. (Plus the ones you can monkey around with) It feels so comfortable being around them. Funny, we only knew each other for less than a month, yet it feels that we've been friends for such a long time. I'm gonna miss yall!!!!!!!!!!!!

(grabbed from Jima- wow what big legs i have)

So anw yeah as I was saying, I don't think I wanna leave Pioneer. The AC dream is wearing off as I go to PJ everyday. The novelty of it all just fades away. I hope I can stay in PJ. Dont wanna leave my girls! Today's bbq was a wake up call for all of us. Reminded us of how soon the O level results are going to be released! I'll never forget the girls and all the fun times we shared. Had fun at today's event, but spent most of the time with the girls instead of my OG. Campfire was a total BLAST! Ikhsan was totally funny, I think someone really needs to put that video of him poledancing up on youtube! Well, I needa go off now dudes, tmr is the BIG DAY! Concert, baby! Im so darn excited:D (esp at the idea of seeing Mr Specialllllllllllllllllllll) Lol!

Cos I can't help falling in love with you

2007-01-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

Tapi sayang, hanyalah impian

I got throat infection but I can still sing and talk normally! How weird is that. I hope I'll be better for the audition for talentime next week. Asked Ikhsan (aka *coughikhsancough as Hazimah calls him) to play guitar as accompaniment but I dont really know him, only knows that he is in tarian. Asked someone else but well, I hope he replies soon. I miss my peeps! I miss Farah, Farahin Janna Hazimah Shafina and Hidayah! I can't stand sitting at home rotting and knowing that they're having a great time in school. Dont think I missed much though, cos today only got chem. Slept through the whole afternoon so I dont think I can sleep tonight. I think I wont take physics anymore. Physics suck! And unfortunately I'm the physics rep. How ironic is that. The singapore vs thailand match is on! Wahh today Lionel played like crap lehh must be because I'm not there.

Listen to this:

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Lol.

2007-01-30T21:55:00.000+08:00

Skeletons in my closet

Watching Gol Gincu now. I am sick today! Down with fever and not going to school tmr. I have to say that Tuesday is my compulsive day. Like last week I hit this totally dumb girl. Lemme retell the story. She and her posse were standing in the middle of the damn canteen in their own blabbing world and here I was rushing to go for maths class. Okay, maybe not rushing, I just felt like walking through them cos they looked nice to uhh disturb(I told you it was compulsiveness) So anyway, I carried my bag and worked my way through them. While doing so I was hoping that I would hit somebody and BINGO! I heard this really loud scream and lotsa vulgar shit so I turned(like a freaking drama queen). Apparently I hit this girl's hand with my bag causing her to spill green tea all over herself. Instead of being guilty or sorry I pulled this really damn bitch face and gave her some weird handsigns and walked away. Lol! Okay so I felt bad after that and stuff but I felt really satisfied. So... today did some other compulsive things that I forgot what. Cos I'm so sick and screwed up now with a real bad headache.

Now that I'm watching Gol and Gincu, I wish I could find love like that. I wish I knew what he was thinking, I wanna get inside his head. Wish I could tell him somehow what I feel. I can't though, I know I cant and I never will be able to.
Will I?

Invisible

2007-01-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

Hey Dancer, you're the King of my Heart

Today was very interesting! Went to school with Farah the funniest sucker in the worldddd and we talked about Izzati. We sorta made a connection that Izzati's in the world are all Evil. I mean, Izz in crescent was REALLY evil. Okay, not evil but ya know. Evil. Heehee. And then we compared her to the Izzati in Pioneer and well. She looks so darn demure. But on Saturday..... Wow, I saw her true colours! She's like Emily the Strange Malay version. Hurrhurr. So anyways Saturday was so freaking fun! Nazzerry that asshole nephew of mine dumped a whole bucket of water on me and yeah, well we had so much fun. Ramizah was damn funny cos after we played soccer she said "Tulah kali pertama dan terakhir aku main bola" Lol! How damn funny is that?!?!? So during soccer we were all posing around and stuff. Played more sailormoon and weird games like Chop chilli chop, mother hen and eagle (which turned out to be disastrous) and Pepsi cola (which I won!). Play pepsi cola macam orang pro taekwado seh. Padahal padahal. Then went for bola! Wah I tell you when Lionel baby(hahahahahah) didnt save the first goal he was facing me and thus couldnt concentrate so.. sorry guys! Malaysia scored cos lionel was too busy looking at moi. Lol! Anw Singapore won! Never been so scared in my life! Seram beb, watching them flick penalties. Then when Lionel saved that last ball I sent him uhhh psychic thoughts telling him to save the ball for me. Ha! K k enough of saturdayyyyyy.

Sunday was Mus'art practice. Wah banyak orang wanna watch the concert lehhh Serrrram I. Then today... Fun day, went to the gym for the first time in my entire life with Ika and Zafri. Then for the first time I talked to Faris:D And and and oh! Shafina right... She makes me swear all the time so she's now dubbed as fuckface. HAHAHAHHAHA cos I always swear at her stupid ways. She's so freaking dumbbbbbb sorry Sha! But ya know, understatement of the year is that you're my fuckface, I'm your bitch and 24 Feb babies are perfect. Lol! Had a good laugh today with ma homies yo. And today was so freaking windy ah my fingers turned to icicles. Had GP and I practically slept my way through it. PE was after gp and played rounders. I think I damn pro ah cos usually I cannot bat la but this time wahhhhhhhhhhhhh Liyana damn pro siahh:D

All in all, I'm freaked out about O level results, hope I can stay in PJ. Damn excited about concert (yall know why I bet, ha) and and and I'm wondering why Mr Special is married.

Dance your way to my heart

2007-01-26T23:02:00.001+08:00

I don't wanna know what it's like without you

Even though Bubble boy has proven to me that all (well, most) guys are jerks until proven wrong (thanks to Farah), his blog is still bleedingly funny to me. And Farah(in) this is his blog address lah (riledink.blogspot.com) Read his oldest entry on Jan 2006.

Today we played Sailormoon! Sucha funny game! I am sailormoon number one cos right.... I won the first game! So pro okay, we played during recess and I was eating while playing and I still won! How cool is that. I'm sucha pro, either that or my friends are retarded! Hurrhurr, just kidding k guys. Today was actually quite boring, we didnt do much. Just slacked around. Laughed at stupid jokes. After school went for dance practice. Aiyah see lah I lost my sense of humour already. Now got nothing to joke and laugh about. Life is so damn dull. DULLLLLL-O. Boring. And I wish I could like, burst Bubble or smth. Ick.

I'm trying and hoping for one day when my touch is enough to take your pain away

2007-01-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

2007-01-24T16:13:00.000+08:00

Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken

Okay I just went to Bubble Boy's website (shit there's something running up my leg). He's so freaking funny! Omgosh, I wish I knew him or smth. But anyways that asshole was laughing at me when I changed uniform with Jannah. All of you should go and read it, his bleeding funny blog. Heehee, maybe I'm just biased or smth, just cos I think he's totally HAAAAAWT.Too bad he's too short la damn it. So anw, life at PJ is still fun. Homework's a bitch, esp Physics. Slept through one of the lectures (or is it assembly?) Dunno la, either way I still know nuts about physics. Dance is draining life out of me. I'm so pooped from yesterday's training:/ But I still ove it and I'm glad I joined dance:) As for my class..... S27 is fun and all la, but sometimes the enthusiasm gets to me. Okay, not sometimes. All the time. Lucky the loudhailers have toned down. But but but, we've got a case of bootlickers. And we have a large dose of budak selengers. Either selenger or hey're just trying to act cute. Whatever, when they do that they all get on ma nerves, yo. Coming to school is really fun cos we get to cleanse our eyes every now and then during breaks. But yeah, there's not much to look at in PJ anyway. Maybe except for Bubble boy, Cheer and yah. Him.

Wish I could tell you, somehow.

2007-01-20T00:40:00.000+08:00

School's fun:D I am motivated to join tarian. Well, Malay cultural society, that is. It's really fun and can help me lose weight. Surprisingly, I think my flat stomach is on the way. Heehee. Don't think I'm joining band, quite tired of it. I still love to play music but after 10 years of playing in the band, I think its due time for a change. Call me if Mus'art got vacancy. Really happy in PJ now, so I think if i can't get into AC I'll just stick to PJ. Love it:D

Finally bought a proper phone! My z610i. Is it? Yeah, the pink one. Finally I got bluetooth, so Judy you can stop mocking me about not having bluetooth anymore! Hurhur.

Wonder how everyone's doing right now. Sam's slaving at work I hear. Aisyah's a happy camper. Melissa is in LOVE with Innova. And......... yeah, that's about it. And oh, I changed my number but can still msg me at my old one.

So yeah, number 25 is really short, but heck it:D

2007-01-08T19:36:00.000+08:00

Hi hi hi hi! Omgosh orientation was rocking! But anyways is still going on and tmr is the finale! I cannot wait wait wait! Past week has been GRRRRRRRREAT:D Haven't been updating since forever. Internet's been sucky the past few days thus explaining why I haven't been updating but I'm back (for those who even noticed I was gone) I really wish Rucha was still in Singapore. I've got tons to tell you! And you don't even come online. Is there internet at your place?! Come online will you? Or send me a letter at least. Email me something, anything, to tell me that you're still ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I miss you!): Ha, okay. Well, my tagboard is dead. Correction: Deader than dead.

2006-12-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

Sorry I think the MV is screwed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW52b2OsAQc
This one, I hope, is okay. The MV is really cute, but the movie is sad. And..... I'm sleepy like hell.

2006-12-15T23:32:00.000+08:00

Since Ruchika will kill me if I don't put up a tagboard, I will do so now. Anw you blogged! And yes doofus, I'll write! I just had my bangs trimmed after thinking about it for so long. Before O's, remember? Lol, finally did it. Well, my mom at least. She cut it and made me look like a complete boon:D Oh well, what's new.

I'm like, so bored.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KNCRH34i9Y
Watch, it's from the movie Heart. Everyone who understands Indonesian must watch this. And bring along lotsa tissue. For the broken hearted, bring more.

2006-12-15T01:14:00.000+08:00

So this is how it feels to work huh. I am beat! I'm freaking tired of staring at the damned computer trying to figure out how Microsoft Paint works. Now that I'm 75% done, I figured that it's time for me to go stare at Jon Togo and Danny V to destress. Now look at the similarities:

Presenting.... Daniel Vosovic!

and..... (drumroll pleaaassssssseeeeee)

Jon Togo!

That's a totally unflattering picture of them. It was just to show how much they look alike. Well, these are more pictures of Jon and Danny V!

Super hotstuffs. But darn it, I gotta go. Work to do.